Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, October 30, 2015.   

Some of the Funniest Words in English…………. 

La-di-da – An interjection indicating that something is pretentious.

Lagopodous – Like a rabbit’s foot.

Lickety-split – As fast as possible.

Lickspittle – A servile person, a toady.

Logorrhea – Loquaciousness, talkativeness.

Lollygag – To move slowly, fall behind.

Malarkey – Nonsense, balderdash.

Maverick – A loner, someone outside the box.

Mollycoddle – To treat too leniently.

Mugwump – An independent politician who does not follow any party.

Mumpsimus – An outdated and unreasonable position on an issue.

Namby-pamby – Weak, with no backbone.

Nincompoop – A foolish person.

Oocephalus – An egghead.

Ornery – Mean, nasty, grumpy.

Pandiculation – A full body stretch.

Panjandrum – Someone who thinks himself high and mighty.

Pettifogger – A person who tries to befuddle others with his speech.

Pratfall – A fall on one’s rear.

Quean – A disreputable woman.

Rambunctious – Aggressive, hard to control.

Ranivorous – Frog-eating

Rigmarole – Nonsense, unnecessary complexity.

Shenanigan – A prank, mischief.

Sialoquent – Spitting while speaking.

Skedaddle – To hurry somewhere.

Skullduggery – No good, underhanded dealing.

Slangwhanger – A loud abusive speaker or obnoxious writer.

Smellfungus – A perpetual pessimist.

Snickersnee – A long knife.

Snollygoster – A person who can’t be trusted.

Snool – A servile person.

Tatterdemalion – A child in rags.

Troglodyte – Someone or something that lives in a cave.

Turdiform – Having the form of a lark.

Unremacadamized – Having not been repaved with macadam.

Vomitory – An exit or outlet.

Wabbit – Exhausted, tired, worn out.

Widdershins – In a contrary or counterclockwise direction.

Yahoo – A rube, a country bumpkin.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.  Francis of Assisi 

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart. – Helen Keller 

I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. Jimmy Dean 

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’! Audrey Hepburn

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. Steve Jobs 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.

Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn’t help but comment, “The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents.”

“Well, sir,” the attendant replied with a grin, “You’re really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now..”  

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t want to be like him. Make me like you.” 

Answer: Subspecies! Laura says this to Stefan after she’s bitten by his brother Radu. She doesn’t want to be evil, so she asks Stefan to make her like him, a gentle vampire. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “There are two guys carrying a coffin out there.”

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

What does the star represent in the rebus:

A N O

T * I

TENT   

ANSWER: The Center of Attention 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Use the syllables in the sylalist to complete the clues below. Each clue gives how many syllables the answer of it has. Can you complete every question?

Sylalist: al, ag, er, ful, ga, hope, ig, im, ine, ize, loo, rand, re, rus, sa, wal

1. Arctic marine mammal (2)

2. Eskimo Home (2)

3. Optimistic (2)

4. Understand Clearly (3)

5. Chore (2)

6. Suppose (3)

7. Long Narrative (2)

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, October 29, 2015.   

Clever Collective Nouns………

A plethora of lispers
A mingling of broken vases
A tenet of palindromes
A hotbed of quilts
A veneer of newscasters
A brace of orthodontists
A rash of dermatologists
A gaggle of censors [or comedians]
An amalgam of dentists
A cast of orthopaedists
A slew of retired hit men
A box of pugilists
A concert of yes men
A flash of paparazzi
A bunch of florists
A set of hairdressers
A herd of otologists

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

A friend had a waitressing position open at his diner and asked job seekers to fill out an application. Under “Salary Expected,” a woman wrote “Friday.” 

The highlight of our zoo trip was a peacock showing off its plumage. My four-year-old son was particularly taken with it. That evening, he couldn’t wait to tell his father: “Dad, guess what! I saw a Christmas tree come out of a chicken!” 

Driving in Ohio, we spotted a sign that read, “Wildlife Refuge.” Seeing a dead deer lying in front of it, my husband shook his head. “He almost made it.”  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

 My wife was in her gynecologist’s busy waiting room when a cell phone rang. A woman answered it, and for the next few minutes, she explained to her caller in intimate detail her symptoms and what she suspected might be wrong. 

Suddenly the conversation shifted, and the woman said, “Him? I’m finished with him.” Then she added, “Can we talk about this later? It’s rather personal, and I’m in a room full of people.”Emoji 

 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “It’s something you’ll remember forever, isn’t it? I know I will.” 

Answer: John Carpenter’s Vampires! Valek says this to Katrina as he is feeding   

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t want to be like him. Make me like you.”

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Find out what the animals are! (for example, “To run away or escape” could be a “flea”)

1. A strong body tissue

2. Government head of a town/city

3. To sound low, husky, or grating

4. Relating to a group of singers

5. Stealin’

6. A parent’s female sibling

7. A mythical curse or bond

8. A second-person pronoun

9. Thin thread-like outgrowth from the skin

10. To exist. A form of ‘am’ or ‘was.’  

ANSWER: 1. Mussel (Muscle)  2. Mare (Mayor)  3. Horse (Hoarse)  4. Coral (Choral)  5. Robin (Robbin’)  6. Ant (Aunt)

7. Geese (Geas)  8. Ewe (You)  9. Hare (Hair)  10. Bee (Be)  

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

What does the star represent in the rebus:

A N O

T * I

TENT

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 

 EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, October 28, 2015.   

Ten Signs That You’re Too Old for Halloween…………………. 

1. You get winded from knocking on the door. 

2. You have to ask someone to chew your candy for you. 

3. You ask for high fiber candy only. 

4. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over. 

5. People say, “Great Keith Richards mask!” and you’re not wearing a mask. 

6. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…” and you can’t remember the rest. 

7. By the end of the night you have a bag full of restraining orders. 

8. You carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hair piece. 

9. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker. 

10. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live. 

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday and whatever you do,  don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt.” 

– George Sewell 

“The fear of death is more to be dreaded than death itself.”

– Publilius Syrus 

“Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.” 

– Michael Pritchard   

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

 Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank – proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too. 

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils. 

 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Psychos don’t explode when sunlight hits them, I don’t care how crazy they are!” 

Answer:   From Dusk Till Dawn! Seth says this to Carlos after he and his men knock the doors in and the vampires burn up in the sun. Carlos asks Seth if they were psychos. “Did they look like psychos?”

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “It’s something you’ll remember forever, isn’t it? I know I will.”

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Recently, Snow White’s seven dwarfs met up with three of their friends and went to the cinema to see Bambi. From the clues below, can you determine the order in which they stood in the ticket queue? 

Grumpy was in front of Dopey. Stumpy was behind Sneezy and Doc. Doc was in front of Droopy and Happy. 

Sleepy was behind Stumpy, Smelly and Happy. 

Happy was in front of Sleepy, Smelly and Bashful. 

Bashful was behind Smelly, Droopy and Sleepy.

Sneezy was in front of Dopey. Smelly was in front of Grumpy, Stumpy and Sneezy. 

Dopey was in front of Droopy. 

Sleepy was in front of Grumpy and Bashful. 

Dopey was behind Sneezy, Doc and Sleepy. 

Stumpy was in front of Dopey. Smelly was behind Doc.  

ANSWER: Doc  Happy  Smelly  Sneezy  Stumpy  Sleepy  Grumpy  Dopey  Droopy  Bashful 

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Find out what the animals are! (for example, “To run away or escape” could be a “flea”)

1. A strong body tissue

2. Government head of a town/city

3. To sound low, husky, or grating

4. Relating to a group of singers

5. Stealin’

6. A parent’s female sibling

7. A mythical curse or bond

8. A second-person pronoun

9. Thin thread-like outgrowth from the skin

10. To exist. A form of ‘am’ or ‘was.’

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, October 27, 2015.   

Playing with a Funny Word or Two – The Illogical English Language

  • Why do performers recite a play, yet play at a recital?
  • When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
  • Dessie decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  • The city tip was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  • In the boat, a row erupted amongst the oarsmen about how to row.
  • Chloe was too close to the door to close it.
  • Sherrie shed her shoes in the shed.
  • Why do our noses run but our feet smell?
  • Freddie filled in his form by filling it out.

Funny Collective Nouns

  1. A sentence of judges
  2. A load of cobblers
  3. An expectation of midwives
  4. A conflagration of arsonists
  5. An illusion of magicians
  6. A horde of misers
  7. An exaggeration of fishermen
  8. A flush of plumbers
  9. A scoop of journalists
  10. A decanter of publicans

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Tom Brady just did an interview where he called Coca-Cola ‘poison for kids’ and said he didn’t think Frosted Flakes is actually food. That story again: Do NOT go trick-or-treating at Tom Brady’s house! ‘Who wants some raisins and toothbrushes?!'” -Jimmy Fallon

“I have a strict policy. I will not and do not publicize unsubstantiated rumors about anyone unless they’re very funny.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Oprah Winfrey is buying a 10 percent stake in Weight Watchers. Oprah’s financial advisor asked her if she wanted to buy a large stake and Oprah said, ‘Oh, yeah!'” -Conan O’Brien  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A couple are sitting in their living room, sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife murmurs, “I love you.”

“Is that you or the wine talking?” asks the husband.

“It’s me,” says the wife, “talking to the wine.” 

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I want no quarrel with him.” “No, no, it’s already begun!” 

Answer:  Interview with the Vampire! Louis is speaking to Armand of Santiago.

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Psychos don’t explode when sunlight hits them, I don’t care how crazy they are!”

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

The blanks in the following sentences will be filled in with three different homonyms (words that are spelled differently but sound alike) to make valid sentences. The dashes indicate the number of letters in the words. Can you fill in the blanks?

1. The cut on his _ _ _ _ won’t _ _ _ _ in time for the race, so _ _ ‘_ _ have to drop out.

2. The man was so upset about being _ _ _ _ that he regularly _ _ _ _ _ _ himself up on the bed and _ _ _ _ _ _ his eyes out.

3. I couldn’t _ _ _ _ _ any of the _ _ _ _ _ _ in the flower shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 _ _ _ _ _ crammed up my nose.

4. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the _ _ _ _ and essentially _ _ _ _ _ everything he _ _ _ _.  

ANSWER: 1. The cut on his HEEL won’t HEAL in time for the race, so HE’LL have to drop out.

2. The man was so upset about being BALD that he regularly BALLED himself up on the bed and BAWLED his eyes out.

3. I couldn’t SENSE any of the SCENTS in the flower shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 CENTS crammed up my nose.

4. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the SEAS and essentially SEIZE everything he SEES. 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Recently, Snow White’s seven dwarfs met up with three of their friends and went to the cinema to see Bambi. From the clues below, can you determine the order in which they stood in the ticket queue? 

Grumpy was in front of Dopey. Stumpy was behind Sneezy and Doc. Doc was in front of Droopy and Happy. 

Sleepy was behind Stumpy, Smelly and Happy. 

Happy was in front of Sleepy, Smelly and Bashful. 

Bashful was behind Smelly, Droopy and Sleepy.

Sneezy was in front of Dopey. Smelly was in front of Grumpy, Stumpy and Sneezy. 

Dopey was in front of Droopy. 

Sleepy was in front of Grumpy and Bashful. 

Dopey was behind Sneezy, Doc and Sleepy. 

Stumpy was in front of Dopey. Smelly was behind Doc.

  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB BANKS! 

 EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, October 26, 2015.   

Today’s Pondering…… 

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

When you’re swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray!

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Why do they report power outages on TV? 

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11? 

I asked my wife why there were so many dings on the driver’s side of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.

After you lose an election, will they let you back into all the exclusive clubs you resigned from?

This is the only place in the country where people pull over and stop for a funeral, but speed up to cut off an ambulance or a firetruck.

I went out today and bought everything I’ve been wanting, because now that the elections are over, I know that the politicians are going to take care of the middle class.

The best advice for teenagers is, leave home now while you still know everything.

I really feel sorry for Madonna’s baby, having to grow without a last name.

Is it a law of nature that women have to sneeze as soon as they apply their mascara?

The two biggest problems in America are making ends meet and making meetings end. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“This week was Earth Science week. It’s the week you have to celebrate if you aren’t smart enough for bio or chemistry week.” -Seth Meyers 

“New research shows that China has a bigger middle class than America, and more people in China are living what we would call the ‘American Dream.’ That’s when you know things are bad – when even the American DREAM is made in China.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A high school student hacked the AOL email account of John Brennan, the director of the CIA. In other words, the student correctly guessed that the password of anyone still using AOL is ‘password.'” –Conan O’Brien  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A group of 40-year-old buddies discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low-cut blouses.

Ten years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

Ten years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

Ten years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

Ten years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they have never been there before. 

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “There isn’t any magic.”  

Answer: Martin! Not really one of my favorites, but it was so quirky, I had to mention it. Martin says this to his uncle who is convinced he is a real, Dracula-type vampire, but Martin knows he is just a sick kid who likes to drink blood.   

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I want no quarrel with him.” “No, no, it’s already begun!”

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

I have two arms and a back,

Supported by four legs.

But there is something I do lack,

Actually, I have no eyes to see.

I also cannot move around,

Or at least, not on my own.

Unfortunately I can make no sound,

Except perhaps a squeak.

If you chop off my head,

You are left with a hair.

If you chop off my tail,

Only tea is left there.

One more clue I will add,

Is that you often use me.

Yet you barely ever notice,

In fact I’d much rather be a tree. 

What am I?  

ANSWER: A Chair. If you chop off the first letter, you are left with “hair”.  

If you chop off the last letter, you are left with “chai”. 

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

The blanks in the following sentences will be filled in with three different homonyms (words that are spelled differently but sound alike) to make valid sentences. The dashes indicate the number of letters in the words. Can you fill in the blanks?

1. The cut on his _ _ _ _ won’t _ _ _ _ in time for the race, so _ _ ‘_ _ have to drop out.

2. The man was so upset about being _ _ _ _ that he regularly _ _ _ _ _ _ himself up on the bed and _ _ _ _ _ _ his eyes out.

3. I couldn’t _ _ _ _ _ any of the _ _ _ _ _ _ in the flower shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 _ _ _ _ _ crammed up my nose.

4. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the _ _ _ _ and essentially _ _ _ _ _ everything he _ _ _ _.         

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, October 23, 2015.    

Aging Signs……….. 

You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.

You can live without sex, but not without glasses.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age… And isn’t breaking any laws.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You have a dream about prunes.

You answer a question with “Because I said so!”

You send money to PBS.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

You wear black socks with sandals.

You know what the word equity means.

You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You talk about “good grass” and you’re referring to someone’s lawn.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

You got cable for the weather channel.

You can go bowling without drinking.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!   

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino 

Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

What you do today can improve all your tomorrows. – Ralph Marston 

In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can. – Nikos Kazantzakis 

Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later. – Og Mandino 

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star. – W. Clement Stone 

A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others. – Ayn Rand   

The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence. Confucius 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said; “I’m sorry, your duck (Cuddles) has passed away.” The distressed woman wailed; “Are you sure?” “Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead.” replied the vet. “How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around, and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.

He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot.

The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said; “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.” The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried; “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!?” The vet shrugged; “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but… with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.” 

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You haven’t been feeding her.” 

Answer: Dracula 2000! Solina then poceeds to grab the detective through the glass while sexy Dracula feeds on a rather hysterical doctor.    

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “There isn’t any magic.” 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Each of the following sentences has three missing words. The first missing word of each sentence is 6 letters long, the second missing word is 5 letters long, and the third missing word is 4 letters long. All the 6 letter words are anagrams of each other, as are all the 5 letter words, and all the 4 letter words. Can you fill in the blanks?

1) Nobody would ______ to the old pirate any more, because his _____ were far too ____.

2) The fans were ______ as the opposition managed to _____ the game from the home ____.

3) When he decided to ______, he did not expect _____ bread with his ____ every meal.

4) On many of the lake’s ______ in the Spring, _____ will be out looking for a ____. 

 

ANSWER: 1) Nobody would LISTEN to the old pirate any more, because his TALES were far too TAME.

2) The fans were SILENT as the opposition managed to STEAL the game from the home TEAM.

3) When he decided to ENLIST, he did not expect STALE bread with his MEAT every meal.

4) On many of the lake’s INLETS in the Spring, TEALS will be out looking for a MATE.

6 Letters: LISTEN, SILENT, ENLIST, INLETS.

5 Letters: TALES, STEAL, STALE, TEALS.

4 Letters: TAME, TEAM, MEAT, MATE.  

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

I have two arms and a back,

Supported by four legs.

But there is something I do lack,

Actually, I have no eyes to see.

I also cannot move around,

Or at least, not on my own.

Unfortunately I can make no sound,

Except perhaps a squeak.

If you chop off my head,

You are left with a hair.

If you chop off my tail,

Only tea is left there.

One more clue I will add,

Is that you often use me.

Yet you barely ever notice,

In fact I’d much rather be a tree.

What am I?         

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, October 22, 2015.    

One liners for the day……… 

1. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?

2. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

3. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

4. Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when 

you see one tumble down the stairs.

5. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

6. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

7. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

8. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

9. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

10. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

11. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”

12. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

13. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

14. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?

15. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Check out: These drawings tell us a lot about children’s attitudes to technology

16. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

17. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

18. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

19. God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

20. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

21. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

22. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

23. Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

24. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Starbucks is adding a new feature to their drive-through locations, video screens. So that way you can see the person misspell your name on the cup while it’s happening.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“According to a new survey, fewer than 2 percent of hiring managers said they were actively recruiting graduates with liberal arts degrees. Said liberal arts graduates, ‘Latte for Karen.'” -Seth Meyers

“Mayor Bill de Blasio signed a bill last week that requires stores here in New York City to keep their doors closed when their air conditioning is on. So apparently Bill de Blasio is not only our Mayor, he’s also our dad. ‘I’m not paying to cool off the whole world! SHUT THAT DOOR!'” -Jimmy Fallon 

  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go.” 

“But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked. 

“I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground” he answered. 

“But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked. 

The man quickly answered. “Oh, the dog’s leash goes slack.”

 

 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You know, all you do is give attitude lately. Been watching too much ‘Dynasty’, bud?”   

Answer:   The Lost Boys! Sam says this to Michael and gets a nice middle finger as a response. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You haven’t been feeding her.”

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

I am a world-renowned “symbol”. In the English language, if I’m added to a noun, it turns to an adjective (in most cases).  If you put horizontal lines through me, I become a currency, but it is not used in many countries.  In Spanish, I am a “symbol”, but also I am a word. I am used to connect words and phrases. If you watch your School House Rock, I go along with a junction.  What am I? 

ANSWER: I am Y.

When Y is added to a noun, it often makes it an adjective; i.e. Hair+y=hairy, Smell+y=Smelly, etc.

When you put two horizontals line through a Y, it makes the Yen symbol, found in Japan.

In the Spanish language, Y is the translation for “and”, which is a conjunction. If you watch School House Rock, they do a whole skit on Conjunction Junction. 

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Each of the following sentences has three missing words. The first missing word of each sentence is 6 letters long, the second missing word is 5 letters long, and the third missing word is 4 letters long. All the 6 letter words are anagrams of each other, as are all the 5 letter words, and all the 4 letter words. Can you fill in the blanks?

1) Nobody would ______ to the old pirate any more, because his _____ were far too ____.

2) The fans were ______ as the opposition managed to _____ the game from the home ____.

3) When he decided to ______, he did not expect _____ bread with his ____ every meal.

4) On many of the lake’s ______ in the Spring, _____ will be out looking for a ____. 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.