Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, September 29, 2015.   

Neologism – Alternate Meanings for Common Words

  • Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
  • Cantankerous(n), able to drive a tank.
  • Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
  • Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
  • Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
  • Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
  • Defenestration (n.), Uninstalling Windows 7 and then installing Linux.
  • Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
  • Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
  • Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
  • Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
  • Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
  • Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
  • Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
  • Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
  • Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES FOR THE WEEKEND….      

“Today is the first day of fall! You can tell it’s getting colder, ‘cuz today I saw a rat on the subway trying to carry a pumpkin spice latte.” -Jimmy Fallon

“The Pope is coming to America. When the Pope’s plane lands in the United States, President Obama is going to be there to greet him. President Obama is going to be the guy at arrivals holding a sign that says ‘Pope.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I’m not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million.” -Seth Meyers  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife who was trying to feed her said to me, “Straighten her up.”

I looked at my daughter and said, “What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It’s time to grow up and take some responsibility.”

My wife hasn’t asked me to help with her since.Emoji

 

  

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Life is pain, get used to it.’

Answer:  The Long Kiss Goodnight! Spoken by Geena Davis’ character, to her daughter.

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘We think he may have Tourette’s, we’re looking into it.’

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) overweight dam builder & symptom of a sick flying mammal

2) bottom of the ocean & an insect-bitten dog has this

3) a cooking utensil & a nosy admirer

4) the person in charge of clocks and watches & the result of exposing silent actors to the sun 

  

ANSWER: 1) fat beaver & bat fever

2) sea floor & flea sore

3) frying pan & prying fan

4) man of the times & tan of the mimes 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Construction of a stronger and more massive bell tower for the monastery to replace the one destroyed during the last civil strife with a neighboring lord was well underway when the old Monk visited the site. The Abbot showed the Monk the drawings and model for the three-bell tower. The Monk was impressed until he stood where the bell chamber would be and saw the spiral staircase in this medieval bell tower running the wrong direction (counterclockwise). 

“The staircase direction must be changed,” said the Old Monk. The Abbot looked at the staircase and agreed. Why?

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

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