Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, September 21, 2015.   

It’s good to be a man. Here’s why………

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don’t give a rat’s rear end if someone notices your new haircut.

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

Wedding Dress, $2,000. Tux rental, $100.

If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.

People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.

New shoes don’t cut, blister or mangle your feet.

One mood, all the dang time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, “He must be mad at me.”

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24, in minutes.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet, one color, all seasons.

You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.

The world is your urinal.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY      

“The government has unveiled a new website that predicts your financial worth after graduating college. It doesn’t give you a number, just tells you which Starbucks you’ll be working at and for how long.” -Conan O’Brien

“Kellogg’s announced today that it will be spending 450 million dollars in an effort to expand its food distribution to Africa. Though sadly, it was reported today that Tony the Tiger was gunned down by a Minnesota dentist.” -Seth Meyers

“A lot of people are getting excited about the upcoming visit by Pope Francis. This Pope is very popular, but I saw that in a recent interview he said that he’s felt ‘used’ by certain people who only pay attention to him when they need something. Then God was like, ‘Um, hello! That’s like 99 percent of my day!'” -Jimmy Fallon

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can’t post 

Thou Shalt Not Steal, 

Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, 

and Thou Shall Not Lie

in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment. 

  

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Drum loves pork and beans. Eats them with everything.’

‘That explains a lot.’ 

Answer:  Steel Magnolias! Clairie and Weezer, grocery shopping. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘He’s fleeing the interview, he’s fleeing the interview!’

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

I am a word of meanings three.

Three ways of spelling me there be.

The first is an odour, a smell if you will.

The second some money, but not in a bill.

The third is past tense, a method of passing things on or around.

Can you tell me now, what these words are, that have the same sound?   

ANSWER: Scent, cent and sent.  

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

David Van Gogh (pronounced “Go”) had many relatives. Can you guess by the clues who they are?

Example: His dizzy Aunt?

Answer: Verti-Gogh

How many other relatives can you guess?

A fruit loving cousin? 

The Grandfather from Yugoslavia? 

The cousin from Illinois? 

His Mexican cousin? 

His Great Grandfather who drove a stage coach? 

The ballroom dancing aunt? 

The bird lover Uncle? 

A sister who loved disco? 

And his niece who travels the country in a van?

 

  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! VERY NICE SOLVING WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TuesDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

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