Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏


WELCOME to Friday, September 18, 2015.   

One liners for Friday…………

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
Born free, taxed to death.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.
IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
A day without smiling is a day wasted.
Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 




It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer. Albert Einstein 

There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations. Francois de La Rochefoucauld 

A work of art has no importance whatever to society. It is only important to the individual. Vladimir Nabokov  

I wish that all of nature’s magnificence, the emotion of the land, the living energy of place could be photographed. Annie Leibovitz 

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it. Sam Levenson



G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store

clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics

rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart

bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the

Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding

a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was

going to pay for his treatment.

“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”

The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”

He replied, “No money in the bank.”

“Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the

irritated nun.

He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns

are married to God.”

The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”



Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘You, my room, 10:30 tonight. You, 10:45. And bring a friend.” 

Answer:  Robin Hood Prince of Thieves! The Sheriff of Nottingham to some professional women. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Drum loves pork and beans. Eats them with everything.’  ‘That explains a lot.’

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you identify the following songs and their artists?

1) Refrain from halting, the first person, immediately. 

by Female monarch.

2) Multiple timepieces.

by Low temperature, stage production.

3) Unbleached, natural sweetener.

by Perpetual motion of small rock.

4) Sugary infant, belonging to me.

by Firearms & thorny plants.

5) Refrain from remaining, on your feet, near myself.

by Poisoned insect injection.  

ANSWER: 1) Don’t stop me now.

by Queen.

2) Clocks.

by Coldplay.

3) Brown sugar.

by Rolling stones.

4) Sweet child o’ mine.

by Guns ‘n’ roses.

5) Don’t stand so close to me.

by Sting.



Friday’s Quizzler is……….

I am a word of meanings three.

Three ways of spelling me there be.

The first is an odour, a smell if you will.

The second some money, but not in a bill.

The third is past tense, a method of passing things on or around.

Can you tell me now, what these words are, that have the same sound?




LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at  



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