Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, September 16, 2015.   

Expert Opinions……………..

Being an expert means never having to admit you’re wrong. Here are some memorable examples of “expert opinion,” quoted in a book called The Experts Speak, by Christopher Cerf and Victor Navasky. 

On health:

“If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one.” 

–The National Cancer Institute, 1954

“How do we know? Fallout may be good for us.”

–Edward Teller, 1950

On film:

“The cinema is little more than a fad. It’s canned drama. I’m going to get out of this business. It’s too much for me. It’ll never catch on.”

–Charlie Chaplin, 1914

“Gone with the Wind is going to be the biggest flop in the history of Hollywood. I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling flat on his face and not Gary Cooper.”

–Gary Cooper, 1938

“You’d better learn secretarial work or else get married.”

–Emmeline Snively (modeling agent) to Marilyn Monroe, 1944

On technology:

“Rail travel at high speed is not possible, because passengers, unable to breathe, would die of asphyxiation.”

–Dr. Dionysus Lardener, 1845

“Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.”

–William Thomson, President of the Royal Society, 1890

On computers:

“I think there is a world market for about five computers.”

–Thomas J. Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943

“There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.”

–Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977

On politics:

“If Richard Nixon is impeached, there will be mass suicides, mass nervous breakdowns, and total demoralization of the country.”

–Helen Buffington, Committee to Re-Elect the President, 1974

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.” 

–Victor Borge 

“Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash.” 

–George S. Patton 

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” –Benjamin Franklin  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

The other day I was eating in an Italian restaurant when I accidentally spilled some spaghetti sauce on my favorite white sweater.

I wasn’t too distressed, though, because Mr. Wong down on High Street has been doing my laundry for years, and I knew that he could remove just about any stain and get it out like it’d never been there.

So I took the sweater down to Wong’s Laundry and dropped it off; Mr. Wong said he’d probably be able to have it cleaned by Thursday. So on Thursday afternoon after work I stopped by Wong’s again.

Mr. Wong looked quite distressed when he saw me. He brought out the sweater and, apologizing profusely, explained that somehow this stain was beyond even his power to expunge.

And sure enough, though fainter than before, there was still a distinct red stain on the sweater. In an attempt to make up for his failure, Mr. Wong offered to send the sweater to his brother across town, who had been in the laundry business for an even longer time, and who might have a clue as to the method of removal of this extraordinarily persistent stain.

The elder Wong brother would rush it through at no extra charge, and should have it looking as white and clean as new by Friday. So on Friday I went back to Wong’s to pick up my sweater, but when I arrived, Mr. Wong regretfully informed me that his brother, too, had failed to remove the red blotch. “No charge,” said Wong, “but you must take sweater elsewhere to clean.

The Moral: … Two Wongs cannot make a white.”     

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Eating greens is a special treat. It makes long ears and great big feet.’ But it sure is awful stuff to eat. I made that last part up myself.’ 

Answer: Bambi! Thumper, reciting what his father told him. 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘It’s Napoleon.’ ‘Who?’ ‘The short, dead, dude from our history review.’

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

WHAT DOES THIS EQUAL?

12=DD + 11=PP + 10=LL + 9=LD + 8=MM + 7=SS + 6=GL + 5=GR + 4=CB + 3=FH + 2=TD + 1=PPT = ?  

ANSWER:  12DC / The Twelve Days Of Christmas 

12=DD = 12 drummers drumming

11=PP = 11 pipers piping

10=LL = 10 lords ‘a’ leapin’

9=LD = 9 ladies dancing

8=MM = 8 maids ‘a’ milkin’

7=SS = 7 swans ‘a’ swimmin’

6=GL = 6 geese ‘a’ layin’

5=GR = 5 golden rings

4=CB = 4 calling birds

3=FH = 3 french hens

2=TD = 2 turtle doves

1=PPT = partridge in a pear tree 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

The same five-letter word can be added to either the front or back, but not both, of the following words to create four new words. Can you determine what the five-letter word’s identity is?

KEY

WALL

GEM

WASHED

 

  

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

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