WELCOME to Tuesday, September 8, 2015.
DEFINITIONS BY GENDER…………..
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car’s hood.
male: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
male: Playing football without a helmet.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
male:Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.
BOTTOM (bot-tom) n.
female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes “look bigger.”
male:What you slap when someone’s scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male:Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
male:Anything that can be done while drinking.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
female:An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
male:An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
female:The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
male:Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in well, you know the rest..
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Labor Day weekend, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
When our ship stopped in the Atlantic Ocean for a ‘swim call,’ the chief boatswain noticed how nervous I was. “Don’t worry,” he assured me. “You are never more than three miles from land.” Then he added, “Straight down.”
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
When we decided to sell our house, we nailed “FOR SALE BY OWNER” signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long, the doorbell rang. “How much do you want for the trees?” a young man asked.
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Pauly walks into a bar and says “Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!” The bartender says, “Well, Pauly, seems you’re in a really good mood tonight, eh?”
Pauly says, “Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!”
The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round.
Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and says “Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!”
The bartender says, “Well now! If you’re so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you’ll be when you get your paycheck!”
Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says “You mean they’ll PAY me on top of it?”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ”P.J.! I like that, you know I do! Hiss, put it on my luggage, P.J.!’
Answer: Robin Hood! Prince John in the animated Disney version.
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, I need, I need…
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Bob was having a big party. He decided on a technique to get lots of people to come. He invited his five closest friends and said that they could each invite 4 people.
Each of those could invite 3.
Each of those could invite 2.
Each of those could invite 1.
Overall, how many people did Bob invite to his party?
ANSWER: Just 5.
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
In the land of Brainopia, there are three races of people: Mikkos, who tell the truth all the time, Kikkos, who always tell lies, and Zikkos, who tell alternate false and true statements, in which the order is not known (i.e. true, false, true or false, true, false). When interviewing three Brainopians, a foreigner received the following statements:
I am a Mikko.
I am a Kikko.
a. They are both lying.
b. I am a Zikko.
Can you help the very confused foreigner determine who is who, assuming each person represents a different race?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD! NICE WORK KIM!
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/