Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, August 31, 2015.    

The Top 45 Oxymorons……

45. Act naturally

44. Found missing

43. Resident alien

42. Advanced BASIC

41. Genuine imitation

40. Good grief

39. Same difference

38. Almost exactly

37. Government organization

36. Sanitary landfill

35. Alone together

34. Legally drunk

33. Silent scream

32. Living dead

31. Small crowd

30. Business ethics

29. Soft rock

28. Butt Head

27. Military Intelligence

26. Software documentation

25. New York culture

24. New classic

23. Sweet sorrow

22. Childproof

21. “Now, then …”

20. Synthetic natural gas

19. Passive aggression

18. Taped live

17. Clearly misunderstood

16. Peace force

15. Extinct Life

14. Temporary tax increase

13. Computer jock

12. Plastic glasses

11. Terribly pleased

10. Computer security

09. Political science

08. Tight slacks

07. Definite maybe

06. Pretty ugly

05. Twelve-ounce pound cake

04. Diet ice cream

03. Working vacation

02. Exact estimate & the top OXY-Moron

01. Microsoft WorksEmoji

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“Friday was national dog day. Dogs, as you’re probably aware, were widely considered to be man’s best friend, until 2007 when the iPhone was invented to replace it.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A new study claims that first grade students are getting three times more homework than they should be doing. This is coming from the lead researcher, ‘Timmy.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke. So, that information should help you finally get some sleep.” -Seth Meyers 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

I deliver pizza to help cover my college tuition. Once I called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to pay me. As he approached the screen door, I noticed he was carrying a check in one hand and two dollars in the other, which I assumed was my tip.  To my dismay, he pocketed the bills before handing me the check, which was for the exact cost of the pizza.  “Could that have been a tip?” I asked, trying not to sound accusatory. “Yep,” he replied proudly. “not bad for just a walk from the living room and back!” 

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘We’ll never survive.’  ‘Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.’ 

Answer: The Princess Bride! Westley and Buttercup, just before entering the Fire Swamp.  

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Time’s up. Three bucks off.’

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

In this teaser, you have to find the odd ones out in the groups of words. BUT WAIT! There’s a catch. Each group of words has TWO words which do not belong. Can you find them both?

EXAMPLE: 

Lily – Jane – Tulip – Rose

Jane does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a flower.

Tulip also does not belong because it’s the only one which is not a girl’s name.

You’re on your own for the rest!

1. Dodge – Ford – Lincoln – Hoover

2. King – Earl – Knight – Bishop

3. Yellow – Green – Dead – Black  

ANSWER: 1. Hoover does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a car manufacturer. Dodge does not belong as it’s the only one which is not the last name of a President of USA.

2. Bishop does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a class of nobility. Earl does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a Chess piece.

3. Dead does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a color. Green does not belong as it’s the only one which is not the name of a sea.  

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

A clock has 60 lines on it; one at each minute interval. Everyone knows that the hour and minute hands point to the same line at 12:00. Can you figure out what time it is for these situations?

1. The hour hand is exactly on one line, and the minute hand is exactly on the NEXT line.

2. The hour hand is exactly on one line, and the minute hand is exactly on the PREVIOUS line.

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER SOLVING JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

 
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