Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, August 28, 2015.  

Real Church Typos….

Don’t let worry kill you. Let the church help.

Thursday night-potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of 

David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julie Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting at the south and north ends of the 

church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk please come early.

Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing “Put Me in My Little Bed” accompanied by the pastor.

Thursday at 5 PM will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to became Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.

The service will close with “Little Drops of Water”. One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.

The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The associate minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last 

Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge — Up Yours.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life. William Morris   

But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful. Elizabeth Edwards  

Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become.  C. S. Lewis  

Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart. Mahatma Gandhi 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, “How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?” The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, “I’m drowning, you moron!” 

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘I’m not worthless. And I don’t have fleas.’ 

Answer: Aladdin! Aladdin to the prince just before the prince entered the gates of the palace.  

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘We’ll never survive.’

‘Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.’

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

A man worked for a high-security institution, and one day he went in to work only to find that he could not log in to his computer terminal. His password wouldn’t work. Then he remembered that the passwords are reset every month for security purposes. So he went to his boss and they had this conversation:

Man-“Hey boss, my password is out of date.”

Boss-“Yes, that’s right. The password is different, but if you listen carefully you should be able to figure out the new one: It has the same amount of letters as your old password, but only four of the letters are the same.”

Man: “Thanks boss.”

With that, he went and correctly logged into his station. 

What was the new password?

BONUS: What was his old password?  

ANSWER:  The old one was : Out of date

The new one is: Different

He said: My password is “Out of date.” And the boss told him the new one when he said: “The password is different.”

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

In this teaser, you have to find the odd ones out in the groups of words. BUT WAIT! There’s a catch. Each group of words has TWO words which do not belong. Can you find them both?

EXAMPLE: 

Lily – Jane – Tulip – Rose

Jane does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a flower.

Tulip also does not belong because it’s the only one which is not a girl’s name.

You’re on your own for the rest!

1. Dodge – Ford – Lincoln – Hoover

2. King – Earl – Knight – Bishop

3. Yellow – Green – Dead – Black

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

 
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