Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, August 27, 2015.   

BRAND New Words……

The Washington Post’s Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting a date.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit)

Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

And, the pick of the literature:

Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an idiot.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“On the new season of ‘Sesame Street,’ Cookie Monster will do a segment where he urges kids to eat healthy. The segment ends with Cookie Monster looking off-camera and asking, ‘Now you let Cookie Monster’s wife and kids go?'” -Conan O’Brien

“A man was arrested at Denver International Airport yesterday for running onto the tarmac to try and stop a plane after he missed his flight on the way to his high school reunion. He was heard screaming after the plane, ‘But I lost all the weight!'” -Seth Meyers

“The federal government has a new plan that will let people send texts to 911. Yeah, it’s a little frustrating when you try to text, ‘Burglar! Please hurry!,’ and it auto-corrects to, ‘Burger, please. Hungry.'” -Jimmy Fallon 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A police officer called the station on his radio. 

“I have a bit of a problem here. An old lady just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

“What’s the problem?” came the response. “Have you arrested the woman yet?”

“Not yet. The floor’s still wet.”  

 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘Not a brass farthing.’  

Answer: My Fair Lady! The response of most people to Alfred P. Doolittle, who often wanted money for beer. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘I’m not worthless. And I don’t have fleas.’

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

 If you’re good at solving puzzles, these will be easy. Every answer is a two-word phrase in which the first word begins with “BE” and the second with “ST”.

Ex: A fairy tale is a popular one.

BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _

BEDTIME STORY

1.)Nickname for Utah.

BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _

2.)One jewel of horse racing’s Triple Crown.

BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _ _

3.)Cause of red bump on the skin.

BE_ ST_ _ _

4.)What separates Alaska from Russia.

BE _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _ _

5.)Star of “Zoolander” and “Meet the Fockers”.

BE_ ST_ _ _ _ _

6.)Once a giant among the United States’ metal manufacturers.

BE_ _ _ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _  

ANSWER:  1.)Beehive State  2.)Belmont Stakes  3.)Bee Sting  4.)Bering Strait  5.)Ben Stiller  6.)Bethlehem Steel

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

A man worked for a high-security institution, and one day he went in to work only to find that he could not log in to his computer terminal. His password wouldn’t work. Then he remembered that the passwords are reset every month for security purposes. So he went to his boss and they had this conversation:

Man-“Hey boss, my password is out of date.”

Boss-“Yes, that’s right. The password is different, but if you listen carefully you should be able to figure out the new one: It has the same amount of letters as your old password, but only four of the letters are the same.”

Man: “Thanks boss.”

With that, he went and correctly logged into his station. 

What was the new password?

BONUS: What was his old password?

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! BRILLIANT SOLVING WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

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