Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, August 26, 2015.   

INEFFECTIVE DAILY AFFIRMATIONS………

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.

My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.

I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.

I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.

I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.

The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.

I am at one with my duality.

Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

I will strive to live each day as if it were my 40th birthday.

Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

Does my quiet self-pity get to me? Yes? Or should I move up to incessant nagging?

I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so.”

False hope is nicer than no hope at all.

A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.

Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute…I’ll find someone.

Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step-blaming my parents.

I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.

The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home.

My body is a temple. Do you want to come over for midnight mass?

To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I’m giving as much as I’m getting.

I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life. William Morris   

But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful. Elizabeth Edwards 

The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls. – Pablo Picasso   

Right now I am trying to be in a place of calm, a place where I can chill out and then handle the chaos of life better. You don’t just get it overnight; you have to work at it. It’s a daily struggle. Jackee Harry  

Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart. Mahatma Gandhi  

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.  Zig Ziglar  

Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become. C. S. Lewis  

That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key. Elizabeth Wurtzel  

The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine. Mike Murdock  

I think a role model is a mentor – someone you see on a daily basis, and you learn from them. Denzel Washington 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

 A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, “Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.”

The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car was a donkey. 

 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘Pride. Pride’s a weakness.’ ‘Personally, I would prefer stupidity.’  

Answer: The Patriot! Mel Gibson after reading the journal of General Cornwallis. The response was given by the French officer.

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Not a brass farthing.’

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

If you balanced a broom horizontally on your finger, so that your finger was exactly on the broom’s center of gravity, marked that spot and cut the broom in two, then you would have a long and a short piece. The long piece being most of the handle and the short piece being the bristle end and a small part of the handle. Now what will happen if you weigh both pieces? (pick all that apply)

A) The short piece will weigh more.

B) The long piece will weigh more.

C) Both will weigh the same.

D) Your mom will find out and hit you with both pieces!    

ANSWER: A) The short piece will weigh more! This is due to the torque needed to hold the long piece up. It is the same reason a heavy kid has to sit closer in on a see-saw when he is on it with a lighter friend. Oh yeah, D) may also be correct depending on your mother’s temperament. 

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

If you’re good at solving puzzles, these will be easy. Every answer is a two-word phrase in which the first word begins with “BE” and the second with “ST”.

Ex: A fairy tale is a popular one.

BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _

BEDTIME STORY

1.)Nickname for Utah.

BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _

2.)One jewel of horse racing’s Triple Crown.

BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _ _

3.)Cause of red bump on the skin.

BE_ ST_ _ _

4.)What separates Alaska from Russia.

BE _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _ _

5.)Star of “Zoolander” and “Meet the Fockers”.

BE_ ST_ _ _ _ _

6.)Once a giant among the United States’ metal manufacturers.

BE_ _ _ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

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