Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, August 25, 2015.   

Out of the Mouths of Babes…….

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?” The Mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t, dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.” A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.” 

A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you… 

It was that time during the Sunday morning service for “the children’s sermon,” and all the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her, “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?” The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, “Yes, and my Mom says it’s a *itch to iron.” 

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.” 

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, “If he gets loose, will he hurt us?” 

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” His son asked, “What happened to the flea?” 

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens.” How did you know?” his mother asked. “Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.” 

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, “Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.” Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus.” 

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. “Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked. “He died and went to Heaven,” the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, “Did God throw him back down?” 

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?” “I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied. “Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?” 

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “but no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, “They will in a minute.” 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“For a lot of children, the party known as summer is over. Don’t worry, kids. School will end eventually and then you’ll get to go to a different kind of school called work, and it only ends when you get old and die.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A company is developing an elevator that can take you into space. Don’t you hate it when you’re going to Jupiter and someone gets on the elevator and presses ‘Mars’?” -Conan O’Brien

“A New Jersey restaurant is offering a special menu this month that doesn’t list prices, but instead asks customers to pay what they think is fair. According to the sign in the window, the restaurant is called ‘This Space for Rent.'” -Seth Meyers 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

The best illustration of the value of brief speech was given by Mark Twain.

His story was that when he had listened for five minutes to the preacher telling of the heathen, he wept, and was going to contribute fifty dollars… after ten minutes more of the sermon, he reduced the amount of his prospective contribution to twenty-five dollars…after a half hour more of eloquence, he cut the sum to five dollars.

At the end of an hour of oratory when the plate was passed, he stole two dollars. 

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘At last we meet; for the 

first time, for the last time.’ 

Answer: Spaceballs! Lone Star to Dark Helmet inside Mega-Maid in the room with the self-destruct button.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Pride. Pride’s a weakness.’ ‘Personally, I would prefer stupidity.’

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Female kangaroos carry their young (joeys) in a pouch. Likewise, kangaroo words contain another word (a joey) within themselves. A joey word is a synonym of the kangaroo word, and the letters must be in the same order.

Example: “rapscallion” contains the word “rascal”: RApSCALlion

See if you can find the joey words in these kangaroo words:

1. because

2. astound

3. municipality

4. charisma

5. damsel

See if you can find two joey words in this kangaroo word:

6. masculine    

ANSWER: 1. as (becAuSe)

2. stun (aSToUNd)

3. city (muniCIpaliTY)

4. charm (CHARisMa)

5. dame (DAMsEl)

6. male / man (MAscuLinE / MAsculiNe) 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

If you balanced a broom horizontally on your finger, so that your finger was exactly on the broom’s center of gravity, marked that spot and cut the broom in two, then you would have a long and a short piece. The long piece being most of the handle and the short piece being the bristle end and a small part of the handle. Now what will happen if you weigh both pieces? (pick all that apply)

A) The short piece will weigh more.

B) The long piece will weigh more.

C) Both will weigh the same.

D) Your mom will find out and hit you with both pieces!

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

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