Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, August 20, 2015.    

REALISTIC Barbie………..

Finally a Barbie who is able to age gracefully. These are a bit more realistic…

funny jokes Bifocals Barbie: Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

funny jokes Hot Flash Barbie: Press Barbie’s bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

funny Barbie doll jokes Facial Hair Barbie: As Barbie’s hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

funny Barbie doll jokes Flabby Arms Barbie: Hide Barbie’s droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too-muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.

funny Barbie doll jokes Bunion Barbie: Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie’s dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

funny Barbie doll jokes No-More-Wrinkles Barbie: Erase those pesky crow’s-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie’s own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

funny Barbie doll jokes Soccer Mom Barbie: All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

funny Barbie doll jokes Mid-life Crisis Barbie: It’s time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo(her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They’re hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. includes a real tape of “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do.”

funny Barbie doll jokes Divorced Barbie: Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, and Ken’s boat.

funny Barbie doll jokes Recovery Barbie: Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she’s going to meetings religiously. Come with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

funny Barbie doll jokes Post-Menopausal Barbie: This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book “Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self” is included.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“New York Governor Andrew Cuomo just signed a bill that bans powdered alcohol from the state. So if you live in New York and you’re consuming powdered alcohol, your life just somehow got even worse.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Starbucks announced that their pumpkin spice latte will now be made with little bits of pumpkin. Also, their Frappuccino will now be made with little bits of Al Pacino.” -Conan O’Brien

“Employees at a Days Inn in Tampa are claiming that managers told them to flip a mattress instead of replacing it after a guest died in bed. Even worse, the body is now stuck between the mattress and the box spring.” -Seth Meyers 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

An elderly gent was invited to his old friends’ home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they were still very clearly in love.

While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, “I think it’s wonderful that, after all the years you’ve been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names.”

The old man hung his head. “I have to tell you the truth,” he said, “I forgot her name about ten years ago.”  

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘We will remunerate with metallic tender-disks.’

Answer: Coneheads! The coneheads offer to pay for their room with quarters — they had just crashed on Earth. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘He gave Jenny… the huggies!

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

 I may run rings around you

Or escape your clutching grip

Or leave a treacherous trail

That gives a sudden slip.

(If you’re not careful!)

You always end up winning,

While I shrink with each new meet:

Our bouts will be my ruin,

But you’ll come out smelling sweet.

What am I?   

ANSWER: A bar of soap.   

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you find the eleven hidden colors in the following paragraph: 

Many injured animals are invited to live at the ‘Toronto Range’. Stop in kangaroo corner and marvel at the lovely creatures within. Dig over the potato patch to find small furry caterpillars, but don’t yell! Owls can be found swooping for edible rodents, earwigs or perhaps bluebottles in the undergrowth. The brown bear, Rob, lacks grace and may look like an ogre, enter at your own risk! Peacocks can be found showing their colourful wares, which look fantastic when viewed with our ultraviolet torch.

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

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