Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, August 18, 2015.    

Proverbs of the New Millennium…..

1. Home is where you hang your @.

2. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.

5. Great groups from little icons grow.

6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

7. C:\ is the root of all directories.

8. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

9. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.

10. The modem is the message.

11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.

12. The geek shall inherit the earth.

13. There’s no place like home.com

14. Don’t byte off more than you can view.

15. Fax is stranger than fiction.

16. What boots up must come down.

17. Windows will never cease.

18. Virtual reality is its own reward.

19. Modulation in all things.

20. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won’t bother you for weeks.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“A new survey found that half of all American employees have faked a sick day. While the other half have just lied on a survey.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday was National Middle Child Day. It’s a holiday that doesn’t matter much – just like a middle child. If you didn’t notice National Middle Child Day, you celebrated it correctly, by the way.” -Conan O’Brien

“The number of shark attacks around the world increased by 25 percent. With the economy like it is, more and more sharks are turning to crime.” -Jimmy Kimmel 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. “Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?”

“Sure,” replied Jesus. “What do I have to do?”

“Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven.”

“Sounds easy enough. OK.” So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. He peered at the old man and asked, “What was it you did for a living?”

The old man replied, “I was a carpenter.”

Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. “Did you have any family?” he asked.

“Yes, I had a son, but I lost him.”

Jesus leaned forward some more. “You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?”

“Well, he had holes in his hands and feet.”

Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, “Father?”

The old man leaned forward and whispered, “Pinocchio?”  

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Well to make a long story short…’  ‘Too late.’

Answer:  Clue! What other characters — often simultaneously — said to Wadsworth at multiple points when he tried to explain things to the group.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘You’re shaving your chest now?!?’ ‘I didn’t have time to wax.’

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

A man in a restaurant asked a waiter for a juice glass, a dinner plate, water, a match, and a lemon wedge. The man poured enough water onto the plate to cover it.

“If you can get the water on the plate into this glass without touching or moving this plate, I will give you $100,” the man said. “You can use the match and lemon to do this.”

A few minutes later, the waiter walked away with $100 in his pocket. How did the waiter get the water into the glass?    

ANSWER: First, the waiter stuck the match into the lemon wedge, so that it would stand straight. Then he lit the match, and put it in the middle of the plate with the lemon. Then, he placed the glass upside-down over the match. As the flame used up the oxygen in the glass, it created a small vacuum, which sucked in the water through the space between the glass and the plate. Thus, the waiter got the water into the glass without touching or moving the plate.

You can try this experiment at home with appropriate supervision. 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word. For example, given “The prime minister ____ the meeting, even though the ____ was technically the ____ official,” you would fill in RAN, KING, and RANKING.

If there is not enough light to ____, ____ ____ the lamp.

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

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