Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, August 17, 2015.    

 
“YOU KNOW”…………. 
“Everything Comes In Threes” – Not true. In reality, everything comes in ones. Sometimes, when three “ones” come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took them longer to recognize the pattern.
“You Can’t Take It With You (when you die)” – Well…, that depends on what it is. If it’s your dark blue suit, you can certainly take it with you. In fact, not only can you take it with you, you can probably put some things in your pockets.
“You Learn Something New Every Day” – Actually, you learn something old every day. Just because you’ve just learned it, doesn’t mean it’s new. Other people already knew it, Columbus is a good example of this.
“You Get What You Pay For” – Clearly this is not true. Have you been shopping recently? Only a very naive person would believe that you get what you pay for. In point of fact, if you check your purchases carefully, you’ll find that you get whatever they feel like giving you. And if corporations get any more powerful, you soon might not even get that.
“NICE GUYS FINISH LAST” – Not true. Studies have shown that, on average, nice guys finish third in a field of six. Actually, short guys finish last. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that nice guys finished twenty-sixth. You can see how limited those people were.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“A new study has revealed that the reading level of presidential speeches has dropped significantly over the last 200 years. Or as Americans put it, ‘Why dat?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A new study of online dating profiles reveals that women respond 31 percent better to men who use the word ‘whom.’ Frankly, I don’t know whom these men are, or whom they’re trying to impress.” -Conan O’Brien

“A woman in the U.K. held a wedding ceremony to marry herself. I don’t know how to tell you this, but I think that lady you just married might be crazy.” -Seth Meyers 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in.

While one of the robbers takes the money from the tellers, the other lines the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceeds to take their wallets, watches, etc. 

While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two’s hand. Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, “What is this?” 

To which the first lawyer replies, “It’s that $50 I owe you.” 

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘He won’t kill us. He’s not that nice.’ 

Answer: Super Mario Bros.! The idiots Iggy and Spike talking about what Koopa will do to them if they fail their mission.  

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Well to make a long story short…’ ‘Too late.’

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you find a three-letter word that will go in front of each word in the group to make a new, compound word? For each group, the three-letter word will have just one letter changed from the answer to the previous group! (Example: Group 1 = Run, Group 2 = Fun, Group 3 = Sun)

1) Fight, walk, fish, nap

2) Back, throat, lass, let

3) Case, cracker, house, shell

4) Side, come, match, size   

ANSWER: 1) = cat (catfight, catwalk, catfish, catnap)

2) = cut (cutback, cutthroat, cutlass, cutlet)

3) = nut (nutcase, nutcracker, nuthouse, nutshell)

4) = out (outside, outcome, outmatch, outsize)  

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

A man in a restaurant asked a waiter for a juice glass, a dinner plate, water, a match, and a lemon wedge. The man poured enough water onto the plate to cover it.

“If you can get the water on the plate into this glass without touching or moving this plate, I will give you $100,” the man said. “You can use the match and lemon to do this.”

A few minutes later, the waiter walked away with $100 in his pocket. How did the waiter get the water into the glass?

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com

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