Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

1

WELCOME to Monday, August 10, 2015.    

Some of the best Norm Peterson quotes from “Cheers”:

“What’s shaking, Norm?” “All four cheeks and a couple of chins.”

“What’s new, Normie?” “Terrorists, Sam. They’ve taken over my stomach and they’re demanding beer.”

“What’d you like, Normie?” “A reason to live. Give me another beer.”

“What’ll you have, Normie?” “Well, I’m in a gambling mood Sammy. I’ll take a glass of whatever comes out of the tap.” “Looks like beer, Norm.” “Call me Mister Lucky.”

“Hey Norm, how’s the world been treating you?” “Like a baby treats a diaper.”

“What’s the story, Mr. Peterson?” “The Bobsey Twins go to the brewery. Let’s cut to the happy ending.”

“Hey Mr. Peterson, there’s a cold one waiting for you.” “I know, if she calls, I’m not here.”

“What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?” “A flashing sign in my gut that says, ‘Insert beer here.'”

“Whatcha up to, Norm?” “My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.”

“How’s it going, Mr. Peterson?” “Poor.” “I’m sorry to hear that.” “No, I mean pour.”

“How’s life treating you, Norm?” “Like it caught me sleeping with its wife.”

“Women. Can’t live with ’em…. pass the beer nuts.”

“What’s going down, Normie?” “My butt cheeks on that bar stool.”

“Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?” “Alright, but stop me at one….make that one-thirty.”

“How’s it going, Mr. Peterson?” “It’s a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I’m wearing Milk Bone underwear.”

“What’s the story, Norm?” “Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer.”

“Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?” “A little early, isn’t it, Woody?” “For a beer?”

“No, for stupid questions.”

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“Oreo has come out with a new lower calorie cookie called Oreo Thins. Which is also a good way to describe people who eat them. ‘I wouldn’t say you’re fat, I’d say you’re … Oreo Thin.'” -Seth Meyers

“A new report says 60 percent of teenagers don’t have even a basic knowledge of finances. Although in fairness, I’m 38 and I just found out this year that a 401(k) is NOT a type of marathon.” -Jimmy Fallon

“HitchBOT, the lovable hitchhiking robot, hitched safely across Canada, made it to the East Coast of the United States, but unfortunately didn’t get out of Philadelphia alive. HitchBOT was vandalized, his head and arms were torn off, and then he was left on the side of the road. When reached for comment, Philadelphia said, ‘Yep. That sounds about right.'” -James Corden  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter “R” and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it.To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: “Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.” In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud. The boy nervously eyed his classmates – many of them already laughing at him – then replied, “Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn’t cooked enough.” 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘Am I too late for Alexander’s panic attack? I guess not.’

Answer: Galaxy Quest! Right at the beginning, when Jason (Tim Allen) shows up late 

for the Galaxy Quest Conference. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘The stones are…in me.’ 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Who can’t live without Spell Check in their email or word software? It’s a great tool…

Unless you are poor Paula Abdul who transforms into “Pail Abut” when the Spell Checker has at her.

The following Music Stars have been Spell Checked and are ready for you to uncover their true identities.

1. Keen Chimney

2. Bayonet Knowledge

3. Retching Wilson

4. Jousting Tumblers

5. Went Steamy

6. Madden

7. Tubby Kith

8. Pariah Curry

9. Rebel Mentioned

10. Cozy About 

ANSWER: 1. Kenny Chesney  2. Beyonce Knowles  3. Gretchen Wilson  4. Justin Timberlake  5. Gwen Stefani  

6. Madonna  7. Toby Keith  8. Mariah Carey  9. Reba McEntire  10. Ozzy Osbourne  

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

You are a prisoner sentenced to death. The Emperor offers you a chance to live by playing a simple game. He gives you 50 black marbles, 50 white marbles and 2 empty bowls. He then says, “Divide these 100 marbles into these 2 bowls. You can divide them any way you like as long as you use all the marbles. Then I will blindfold you and mix the bowls around. You then can choose one bowl and remove ONE marble. If the marble is WHITE you will live, but if the marble is BLACK… you will die.”

How do you divide the marbles up so that you have the greatest probability of choosing a WHITE marble?

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.Godlovespraise.com.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s