Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, August 7, 2015.    

Here’s the story….. 

A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding…

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? 

Traffic Cop: Yes ma’am, I’m afraid you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see. 

Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don’t have one.

Traffic Cop: Don’t have one?

Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Traffic Cop: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please..

Older Woman: I can’t do that.

Traffic Cop: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Traffic Cop: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Traffic Cop: You what!? 

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! 

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. 

The traffic cop is quite stunned.

Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license quizzically.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!

Older Woman: Bet he told you I was speeding, too.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Friday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. Francis of Assisi

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart. Helen Keller  

I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. Jimmy Dean 

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known. – Carl Sagan 

Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence. Vince Lombardi 

Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success. – Swami Sivananda  

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’! Audrey Hepburn 

Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud. Maya Angelou 

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls. – Joseph Campbell  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?” The boy replies, “Now we run!” 

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You know what I’m going to get you for Christmas next year? A big wooden cross…so that when you’re feeling unappreciated for all you’ve done, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it!” 

Answer: The Ref! Another Kevin Spacey quote. This time he was talking to his mother as everyone was arguing and she kept bragging about how she gave them the house and helped them do so much.  

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘Am I too late for Alexander’s panic attack? I guess not.’

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Professor C. D. Rock ran out of teasers, so he went to Teaserville to buy some more. After arriving there he went to 6 different stores. He first went to the “Theater” to buy some teasers about movies. He then went to the “ER Hospital” to buy teasers about health, and the human body. Then he went to, in order, the “Art Center,” the “Supermarket,” and the “Energy Plantation.” He then went to one last store. It was one of the following:

A. Library

B. High School

C. Dance Arena

D. Saloon

E. Dog Pound

F. Railroad Station

G. Petting Zoo

H. Carnival

Can you figure out which place Professor C. D. Rock visited lastly?

ANSWER: F. Railroad Station. The first letter of each place he went to spells out the word “teaser.”

Theater

Er Hospital

Art Center

Supermarket

Energy Plantation

Railroad Station  

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Who can’t live without Spell Check in their email or word software? It’s a great tool…

Unless you are poor Paula Abdul who transforms into “Pail Abut” when the Spell Checker has at her.

The following Music Stars have been Spell Checked and are ready for you to uncover their true identities.

1. Keen Chimney

2. Bayonet Knowledge

3. Retching Wilson

4. Jousting Tumblers

5. Went Steamy

6. Madden

7. Tubby Kith

8. Pariah Curry

9. Rebel Mentioned

10. Cozy About

TODAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org.

  

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