Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, August 6, 2015.    

Insurance Claims…….

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where drivers attempted 

to summarize the details of their accidents. 

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face. 

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint 

gave way causing me to have an accident.

As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had 

ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle. 

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“The women’s school district in New Hampshire has officially banned dodge ball because parents complained their kids were being targeted during games which, of course, is the point of dodge ball.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A new report says that San Francisco is the most expensive city for single people in the U.S., due to the cost of gym memberships, date nights, and clothing. So if you don’t mind being overweight, alone and naked, San Francisco is actually quite affordable.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A man in the U.K. Is in hot water with his wife because the Google street view camera caught him having a cigarette in their driveway after he claimed to have quit smoking. If you’re trying to not get caught doing something, maybe go somewhere that’s not six feet from your front door.” -James Corden 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Once upon a time, there were four people; Their names were Everybody, Somebody, Nobody and Anybody.

Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was Everybody’s job.

Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Nobody realized that Nobody would do it.

So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done in the first place. 

 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “He’s beaten me, tortured me, and I think you’re next, dear.”  

Answer:  Swimming With Sharks! This was another quote from “Swimming With Sharks” said by Kevin Spacey. He says this when Dawn walks in and asks what’s going on. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You know what I’m going to get you for Christmas next year? A big wooden cross…so that when you’re feeling unappreciated for all you’ve done, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it!”

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Read the little poem and answer its question if you can.

The number of girls who do wear a watch

is double the number who don’t.

But the number of boys who do not wear a watch

is double the number who do.

If I tell you the number of girls in my class

is double the number of boys,

Can you tell me the number I teach? Here’s a clue:

More than 20; below 32! 

ANSWER:  27 Solution: The number of boys must be a multiple of 3 (3, 6, 9…) so that it can be split in the ratio of 2:1 (no watch:watch). 

The number of girls is double the no. of boys (6, 12, 18…) So the totals can only be 9, 18, 27… 

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Professor C. D. Rock ran out of teasers, so he went to Teaserville to buy some more. After arriving there he went to 6 different stores. He first went to the “Theater” to buy some teasers about movies. He then went to the “ER Hospital” to buy teasers about health, and the human body. Then he went to, in order, the “Art Center,” the “Supermarket,” and the “Energy Plantation.” He then went to one last store. It was one of the following:

A. Library

B. High School

C. Dance Arena

D. Saloon

E. Dog Pound

F. Railroad Station

G. Petting Zoo

H. Carnival

Can you figure out which place Professor C. D. Rock visited lastly?

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org.

 

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