Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, July 31, 2015.   

Amusing Proverbs…….

Fools rush in where fools have been before.

To avoid duplication, make three copies.

It’s called “take home” pay because you can’t afford to go anywhere else with it.

Success is relative—the greater the success, the more relatives.

Anyone can be a winner—unless, of course, there’s a second entry.

The slower you work, the fewer mistakes you make.

If Murphy’s Law can go wrong, it will.

If at first you succeed, try to hide your astonishment.

You must have learned from others’ mistakes. You haven’t had time to think all those up yourself.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

People like criticism—just keep it positive and flattering.

It’s OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.

Worry kills more people than work because more people worry than work.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

When you’re getting kicked from behind, that means you’re in front.

Misers aren’t much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

The real reason you can’t take it with you is that it goes before you do.

Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

The world is full of willing people—some willing to work and some willing to let them.

Some people are like blisters. They don’t show up until the work is done.

A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Most people deserve each other.

All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken.

The one who snores will fall asleep first.

The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding.

The gifts you buy your spouse are never as good and apropos as the gifts your neighbor buys their spouse.

Never get overly excited about a man/woman by just the way they look from behind.

If you help a relative in need they will remember you the next time they are in need.

The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible.” (A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?” (H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927)

“A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.” (Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies) 

“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” (Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962)

“Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.” (Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929)

“Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.” (Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre)

“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” (Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899)

“The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives.” (Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project)

“This fellow Charles Lindbergh will never make it. He’s doomed.” (Harry Guggenheim, millionaire aviation enthusiast)

“Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances.” (Dr. Lee De Forest, inventor of the vacuum tube and father of television)

“If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one.” (Dr. W.C. Heuper of the National Cancer Institute, as quoted in the New York Times on April 14, 1954)

“For the majority of people, smoking has a beneficial effect.” (Dr. Ian G. Macdonald, Los Angeles surgeon, quoted in Newsweek, November 8, 1963) 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?” 

The man replies, “all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious…Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything — meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything.” 

“Well,” says the dentist, “that’s probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It’s eaten away your upper plate. I’ll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome.” “Why chrome?” asks the patient. 

To which the dentist replies, “It’s simple. Everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”  

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “My brother likes you. He usually doesn’t like anybody.” 

Answer: Fast and the Furious! Mia says this to Brian about Dom when they first meet.  

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “OBJECTION! This court is after the truth. Not the opinion of the defendant’s father.” “You want my opinion? My son is a moron.” “I withdraw my objection, please proceed.” 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

 Swaff is sitting at his desk, being cool, when his younger brother Geemiee walks up. Geemiee had recently been practicing his (fake) magical powers, trying to turn cheese into more cheese, so he believes he can beat Swaff in anything. He sets up a little competition, the first to get 5 ounces of water to freeze, will be proclaimed the coolest guy in their home.

They set up some rules, as follows:

-They both can only use normal water that comes out of their stainless steel faucet.

-They both use identical containers

-They both must use the same freezer, at the same time.

Now, Swaff realizes that if he were to lose, he would become less cool, he just doesn’t roll like that. So, how can Swaff have the best chance of winning over Geemiee? 

ANSWER: All Swaff has to do in order to be the winner is use hot water. Geemiee, being less cool than Swaff, didn’t know that water with a hot average temperature freezes faster than water that is at room temperature. The phenomenon that hot water may freeze faster than cold is often called the Mpemba effect.   

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Feed, good, and kiss are 3 examples of words with double letters. Use the clues and fill in the blanks to find words with consecutive double letters. Remember, these words have 2 sets of double letters in a row!

1. It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a…

B _ _ _ _ _ N

2. Body modification.

T _ _ _ _ O

3. A Group of people.

C _ _ _ _ _ _ _ E

4. Acuteness or acumen.

K _ _ _ _ _ _ S

—Experts Only!—

5. Kangaroos, dingos, and kookaburras!

C _ _ _ E

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.Godlovespraise.com.

 

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