Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, July 23, 2015.   

The following are actual excerpts from history reports and tests from America’s finest high schools and colleges. Spelling has been preserved…. 

The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.

The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of huge triangular cubes.

They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot.

The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn’t have any children.

Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

One of their children, Cain, asked, “Am I my brother’s son?”

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.

Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

The airplane was invented and first flown by the Marx brothers.

Hitler’s instrumentality of terror was the Gespacho.

Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.”

Noah’s wife was Joan of Ark.

Middle Eastern history was written by Florence of Arabia.

The Soviets erected the Berlin Mall?

Plato invented reality. He was teacher to Harris Tottle, author of The Republicans.

Germany’s William II had a chimp on his shoulder and therefore had to ride his horse with only one hand.

The Germans took the by-pass around France’s Marginal Line. This was known as the “Blintz Krieg.”  

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“A company is trying to fund a new endeavor known as Uber for Kids. So parents will soon be teaching their kids that they shouldn’t talk to strangers but they should get into a car with them.” -Conan O’Brien

“President Obama became the first sitting president to visit a federal prison yesterday. Obama said it was a good chance to talk about prison reform, and to catch up with so many former congressmen.” -Jimmy Fallon

“The U.S. won the International Math Olympiad. If you don’t think Americans can compete with Asia in math, maybe you should talk to some of the members of the American team, like Shyam Narayanan, Yang Liu, and Allen Liu. And their coach, Po-Shen Loh.” -Seth Meyers     

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

During the banquet celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” an anonymous voice yelled from the back of the room. 

Tom responded, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint, meekness, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t need if you had stayed single.”   

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘You’re a creature of the night, Michael. Just like out of a comic book! You’re a vampire, Michael. You wait till Mom finds out, buddy!’ 

Answer: The Lost Boys! This is the part where Sam (Corey Haim) notices that his brother Michael’s (Jason Patric) reflection in the mirror is glowing.  

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Melted chocolate in the dash, that really ups the resale value.’ ‘I think we’re gonna be ok here. They’re covered in a thin candy shell.’ ‘Your brain has a thick candy shell.’ ‘Your brain’s the one with the shell on it…’ ‘Are you talking?’ ‘Shut up, Richard!’

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

If you throw me from the window, I will leave a grieving wife.  

Bring me back, but in the door, and You’ll see someone giving life!   

What am I?   

ANSWER: The letter ‘n’.  wiNdow – widow door – doNor   

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

In a sylasearch I give you a syllable-starter, which is the first syllable in the words you are to find. I will also give you a listing of the other syllables 

(in which each may only be used once) which you must use to figure out the 9 words.

Syllable List – a, a, a, al, don, en, graph, ic, ka, keet, lel, ly, med, ses, the, tial, ty

Syllable-starter: par

How many syllables, each word has:

1. (2)

2. (2)

3. (2)

4. (3)

5. (3)

6. (3)

7. (3)

8. (4)

9. (4)

 

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org.

 

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