Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, July 20, 2015.    

Facts About Men…..

Men are a mystery. The following are facts about men that could prove entertaining. Or perhaps not.  

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Be careful of men who are bald and rich. The arrogance of “rich” usually cancels out the nice of “bald.”

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women 

than men, it pays to recycle.

If it’s attention you want, don’t get involved with a man during play-off season.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

Don’t try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private, but in public they have to know.

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

All men hate to hear, “We need to talk about our relationship.”

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

All men think that they’re nice guys. Some of them are not.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types, depressing and more depressing. Men have two types, nerdy and not nerdy.

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders’ outfits get tighter and briefer, and players’ shorts get baggier and longer.

No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. (When four or more women get together, they talk about men.)

Men have higher body temperatures than women. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

Most men hate to shop. That’s why the men’s department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie “The Way We Were” twice, voluntarily.

Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

Men don’t feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women’s dresses usually button and zip in the back. Women need men emotionally and sexually, but they also need men to help us get dressed.

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause, you gain weight and get hot flashes. With male menopause, you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

Men forget everything. Women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

All men would still really like to own a train set.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever

you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY     

“Comic-Con has officially banned selfie sticks and e-cigarettes, which is too bad. Because now when I see someone smoking an e-cigarette, I have nothing to beat them with.” -Conan O’Brien

“Tomorrow is a rare day when no professional sporting events will take place in the U.S. It’s causing millions of fathers everywhere to ask, ‘Why can’t your dance recital be today?'” -Seth Meyers

“A new study says that women who drink moderate amounts of alcohol every day lose more weight than women that don’t drink at all. At least, that’s what your wife will slur to you after she forgets to pick up the kids from soccer practice.” -Jimmy Kimmel

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

A man picks up his golf-indifferent girlfriend after he has come from the links. While he’s driving the tees in his pocket fall out. His girlfriend asks, “Harry, what are those things that just fell out of your pockets?”

“Oh, those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I’m driving.”

“Oh, well. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.” 

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Did I catch a niner in there? Were ya callin from a walkie-talkie?’  

Answer: Tommyboy! Tommy (Chris Farley) is trying to tell Richard (David Spade) that he tried to call his father before his flight came in. When Richard asks what number he dialed, Tommy replies with a random string of numbers. Richard responds with the quote. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’ve got a plane full of people saying you threatened that stewardess with a bomb.’ ‘I didn’t threaten her with a bomb; I said, ‘It’s not like I have a bomb’.’  ‘You said bomb on an airplane.’ ‘What’s wrong with saying bomb on an airplane?’ ‘You can’t say bomb on an airplane!’

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Use the syllables in the sylalist to complete the clues below. Each clue gives how many syllables the answer of it has. Can you complete every question?  Sylalist: com con dent e el el er fort junc man ment na nov o or or phant pi ro rus sat sau scor the tion urn

Clues:

1. Sign of the zodiac (3)

2. A Planet (2)

3. A Mammal (3)

4. Decoration (3)

5. Mansion (2)

6. Long Fiction (2)

7. Rat, Squirrel, etc. (2)

8. Quilted Bedcover (3)

9. Book of Synonyms (3)

10. and, but, for, so, etc. (3) 

 

ANSWER: 1. Scorpio (scor pi o)  2. Saturn (sat urn)  3. Elephant (el e phant)  4. Ornament (or na ment)  5. Manor (man or) 6. Novel (nov el)  7. Rodent (ro dent)  8. Comforter (com fort er)  9. Thesaurus (the sau rus)  10. Conjunction (con junc tion) 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

What different types of Radio are represented below? 

(Don’t take it too seriously) 

1) \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ Radio 

2) ^^^^^^^^^^ Radio 

3) BAAAAAAAND Radio 

4) 8 Fingers 2 thumbs Radio 

5) BlackBeard Radio 

6) 90% Fat free Radio 

7) Sister to Sister Radio

 
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org.

 

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