Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, July 14, 2015.   

Country Music Titles……. 

All I Want From You Is Away

You Can’t Have Your Kate and Edith Too

I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Almost Like Having You Here

Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat

If You Can’t Be Good, Be Bad With Me

Bubba Shot the Jukebox

Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears

How Can I Miss You if You Won’t Go Away?

I’m Under the Table Over You

Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Posts of Life

Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?

I’m Gonna Put a Bar in the Back of My Car and Drive Myself to Drink

Welcome to Dumpsville, Population Me

If Love Were Oil, I’d Be a Quart Low

Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed

If You Can’t Be Good, Son, Be Good At It

My Phone Ain’t Been Ringing, So I Guess it Wasn’t You

I’ve Been Roped and Throwed By Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral

I Bought the Shoes That Just Walked Out on Me

She’s Acting Single, I’m Drinking Doubles

Is It Cold In Here, or Is It Just You?

We Used to Kiss on the Lips, But It’s All Over Now

Thank God and Greyhound She’s Gone

I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

How Come Your Dog Don’t Bite Nobody But Me?

You Ain’t Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin’

I Don’t Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling

You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

If You’re Gonna Do Me Wrong, Do It Right

Thanks to the Cathouse, I’m in the Doghouse With You

I Would Kiss You Through the Screen Door But It’d Strain Our Love

I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me

You Were Only a Splinter as I Slid Down the Banister of Life

Did I Shave my Legs for This?

I Fell in a Pile of You and Got Love All Over Me

She Got the Gold Mine and I Got the Shaft

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife’s Heart

I Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond and She Clubbed Me with a Spade

If Whiskey Were a Woman, I’d Be Married for Sure

I Sat Down on a Beartrap (Just This Morning)

She Looks Good Through the Bottom of My Shot Glass

If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead?

Mama, Get the Hammer (There’s a Fly on Papa’s Head)

Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer

I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim is Getting Better

If You Don’t Leave Me, I’ll Find Someone Who Will

My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart

I’ll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever

you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY     

“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.” –Dennis Wholey

“What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.” –Oscar Levant

Would you be more content with six million dollars or six children? Six children, certainly. Because a man with six million dollars will always want more. 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

My ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. 

Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, “Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?” 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’m a terrific penpal, hopelessly devoted to each and every one.’ 

Answer:  Grease! Spoken in a conversation between Sandy and Marty.

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘There are no more good German songs, only Nazi songs!… And now you come in here, looking for someone to lift your morale? Well I won’t! I won’t.’

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

In each sentence, an animal is concealed. The first sentence has dog concealed. Can you find the others?

1. What shall I do, Gertrude?

2. Asking nutty questions can be most annoying.

3. A gold key is not a common key.

4. Horace tries in school to be a very good boy.

5. People who drive too fast are likely to be arrested.

6. Did I ever tell you, Bill, I once found a dollar?

7. John came late to his arithmetic class.

8. I enjoy listening to music at night. 

 

ANSWER: 1. Dog  2. Gnu  3. Monkey  4. Beaver  5. Bear  6. Lion

7. Camel  8. Cat 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

A very mean king went to a nearby village. He wanted some more slaves to serve him at his royal palace. He decided that if any family in the village had more than five children, he would take them. A cobbler and his wife had ten children. When the king came to take them, the cobbler and his wife begged and begged. Finally the king said, “I see that you have ten pairs of shoes in a box. If you can give each of your children a pair and still leave one pair out of ten in the box, you can keep your children. The cobbler and his wife began to smile at each other. How did they keep all of their children?

 
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND MS. KIM HILLYARD FOR SOLVING MONDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! NICE WORK LADIES! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org.

 

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