Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

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WELCOME to Monday, July 13, 2015.    

Collage Courses for Men….. 

Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop

Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge

Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding

Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead

Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? You CAN Tell the Difference!

If It’s Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I

If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won’t Bring It Back: Accepting Loss II

Going to the Supermarket: It’s Not Just for Women Anymore

Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In

Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In

Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink

Bathroom Etiquette II: Let’s Wash Those Towels

Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You’re About to Run Out of Toilet Paper

Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill

Retro or Just Hideous? Re-examining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts

No, The Dishes Won’t Wash Themselves: Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware

Romance: More Than a Cable Channel

Bathroom Accuracy 101

Strange But True: She Really May NOT Care What “Fourth Down and Ten” Means

Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut

Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don’t Fall Under the “Action/Adventure” Category

Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote

Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let’s Clean the Closet

Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let’s Clean Under the Bed

Be the First Man to Say These Three Words: “I Don’t Know”

Changing Your Underwear—It Really Works

The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty Means Empty

Directions: It’s Still Okay to Ask for Them

Listening: It’s Not Just Something You Do During Halftime

Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn’t Mean You Can Fix It

PMS: Learning to Keep Your Mouth Shut

Understanding the Female Response to Coming in Drunk at 4:00 A.M.

Parenting: No, It Doesn’t End With Conception

Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

How to Stay Awake After Sex

Garbage: Getting It to the Curb

Helpful Posture Hints for the Couch Potato

How Not to Act Younger Than Your Children 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever

you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY     

“A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.” -Lisa Kirk 

“Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short-comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people’s characters.” –Margaret Halsey 

“Since childhood is a time when kids prepare to be grown ups, I think it makes a lot of sense to completely traumatize your children. Gets ’em ready for the real world” –George Carlin 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

My brother Scott brought over a photo album of his camping trip. One picture showed a brown bear helping itself to his food. “What kind of bear is that?” I asked.

“It’s called a Kodiak,” Scott replied.

“Oh, yeah?” my husband Keith shot back. “And I suppose those white ones in the Arctic are called Polaroids.” 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Problem, guys?’ ‘Just scoping out your civilian wardrobe.’ ‘Pretty cool, huh?’ ‘For a fashion victim.’ 

Answer: The Lost Boys! This is when Sam (Corey Haim) meets the Frogg brothers (Edgar – Corey {Feldman;} Allan – Jamison Newlander) for the first time, at the comic book store. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’m a terrific penpal, hopelessly devoted to each and every one.’

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

I am three words,

Two of them appear the same,

Two are pronounced the same.

One is the third person use of “capable” or “permit”.

One means to sleep, but only for a bit.

The last word means a group of deer,

Perhaps now you can tell me, what words are here?  

ANSWER: First word: Does   Second word: Doze   Third word: Does 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

In each sentence, an animal is concealed. The first sentence has dog concealed. Can you find the others?

1. What shall I do, Gertrude?

2. Asking nutty questions can be most annoying.

3. A gold key is not a common key.

4. Horace tries in school to be a very good boy.

5. People who drive too fast are likely to be arrested.

6. Did I ever tell you, Bill, I once found a dollar?

7. John came late to his arithmetic class.

8. I enjoy listening to music at night.

 

 

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org.

 

 

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