WELCOME to Wednesday, July 8, 2015.
Really Bad Summer Jokes…..
What did the pig say on a hot summer day? – I’m bacon!
Why do bananas use sunscreen? – Because they peel.
Why are gulls named seagulls? – If they were by the bay, they’d be bagels.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? – Because they’re shellfish.
Which letter is the coolest? – Iced t.
What do you call a snowman in July? – A puddle.
What do sheep do on sunny days? – Have a baa-baa-cue.
What did one tide pool say to the other tide pool? – Show me your mussels.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? – A fsh.
What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? – It gets wet.
What does a bee do when it is hot? – He takes off his yellow jacket.
What holds the sun up in the sky? – Sunbeams.
What race is never run? – A swimming race.
When do you go at red and stop at green? – When you’re eating a watermelon.
Why did the man love his barbecue? – Because it was the grill of his dreams.
What is the best day to go to the beach? – SUNday.
What does the sun drink out of? – Sunglasses.
What did the ocean say to the sailboat? – Nothing it just waved.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Whatever you are, be a good one.” –Abraham Lincoln
“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.” –Steve Martin
“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” –Charles Dickens
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Harvey’s grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, “Vat sims to be ze problem?” Harvey says, “I’m not sure, but it doesn’t go ‘tick-tocktick -tock’ anymore. Now it just goes ‘tick…tick…tick.'” The old man says, “Mmm-Hm!” and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock.
He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face. Then he says in a menacing voice, “Ve haf vays of making you tock!”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘If you only dream when you’re asleep, then when you wake up, there’s still nothing there.’
Answer: Dream for an Insomniac! I loved this movie! Even though it’s pretty cheesy when it goes from black and white to color, you have to fall head over heels for the ‘Cafe Blue Eyes’!
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I think you’re underestimating the value of this deskset. I mean, who would want a football, or a car, when they could have a deskset as wonderful as this one? If I were going to buy a deskset twice, I would probably buy this one… both times!’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
I hover out there in darkness unseen.
I will shred things to pieces ’till they’re just smithereens.
I might serve as a gateway to places unspoken,
Yet I’m sealed off to man, forever unbroken.
I twist and distort, only darkness escapes,
I destroy all I find
Whatever I take.
ANSWER: A black hole. Scientists theorize that black holes and wormholes might lead to other dimensions or different parts of the universe and so on. Thus a “gateway to places unspoken.” Man cannot (as yet) enter a black hole. The end is self-explanatory. As for the hint, black holes have an event horizon, and if something is to pass it, there is no way of escaping. (At least none that we know of.)
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Georges, Patrick, Charlis, Samuel and Bruno are five Frenchmen. Georges knows English and Chinese. Patrick knows Chinese and Japanese. Charlis knows Japanese and German. Samuel knows German and English. Bruno knows them all: English, Chinese, Japanese and German.
In how many ways can they sit in a row, such that any two neighboring persons have no problems in communication?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/