Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

1o5

WELCOME to Friday, July 3, 2015.   

What Hollywood Teaches…. 

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off-even while scuba diving.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when

a woman tries to clean his wounds.

A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the

steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

When bad guys kill dogs it’s horrific. When good guys kill dogs it’s hilarious.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know

exactly when they’re going to go off.

 Guns are like disposable razors – if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always find a new one.

 A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great July 4th weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“The mind, once stretched by an empowering idea, can never fully shrink to its original dimensions.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, paraphrased  

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. Ron White 

 

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Lana Turner

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. – Mark Twain  

An idea isn’t responsible for the people who believe in it. – Don Marquis

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

 A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “but no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”   

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Yeah? Well at least your mom didn’t run over your leg in her Volvo, okay? Mine did.”

Answer: Dream a Little Dream! Hoorah! A Corey-Corey movie has finally made it into one of my quizzes! This is a quote from Dinger (Corey Haim) telling Bobby (Corey Feldman) not to whinge about his problems because Dinger’s are demonstrably far worse. On a side note, never be tempted to watch “Blown Away” – it’s a cinematic crime!  

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Who fights a crazy person?”

   

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Once there was a night watchman who had been caught several times sleeping on the job. The boss issued the final warning. On the next night he was caught with his head on his hand and his elbows on the desk.  “Aha, I’ve caught you again,” exclaimed the boss. The watchman’s eyes popped open immediately and he knew what had happened. Being a quick thinking man, he said one word before looking up at the boss. The boss apologized profusely and went home. What was the one word?  

ANSWER: The one word was “AMEN”, thus making the Boss believe he was praying rather than sleeping. 

 

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

We all know that if you weigh yourself on the moon, it is less than your weight on the Earth. Can you tell me something that actually weighs more on the moon than on Earth?

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s