Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, July 2, 2015.   

Lightbulb jokes for Thursday…………really! 

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Hmmm… well there’s an interesting question isn’t it ?

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Define “lightbulb”.

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Two. One to change it and one to think deeply and come up with a real gem, such as “Well there you are, standing on a chair, changing a lightbulb. Here we see the difference between a cat and a dog. If you have a cat, it looks up at you, thinks ‘What are you doing ?’, and walks off. But if you have a dog, it’s looking up at you and thinking ‘Well, I dunno what you’re doing, but I love you anyway.’

Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. The bulb isn’t bright enough.

Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. The dim bulbs aren’t “changed,” they are humanely euthanized.

Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 66. Eleven philosophers to ponder whether it is possible to actually do anything; ten semanticists to debate the various possible meanings of each phrase, word, and syllable; nine columnists to write about it from radically different viewpoints; eight letter writers to respond vehemently with opposing points of view; seven Quibblers who delight in pointing out others’ mistakes (what is said is not as important as saying it correctly); six conservatives who believe things should stay the way they are; five liberals who believe that action should be taken immediately to form a committee to study possible actions; four ornery SOBs who disagree on principal with anything anyone else has suggested; three peacemakers who believe it’s more important to work it out without showing any more emotions than necessary to get it done; two statisticians who maintain that numbers are more important than facts; and one pragmatist to ignore the bureaucratic piles of paperwork and replace the bad bulb with a good one. Whilst all this is going on, all the Mensans are keeping count in their heads just to make absolutely sure what it really does add up to 66.

Q: How many lexicographers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Two. One to change it and one to protest that he should have changed it to “light bulb”.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“General Mills announced that it will phase out all official flavors and colors from its cereals by 2017. The bad news is that now Cheerios and Fruit Loops will look exactly the same.” -Seth Meyers 

“Apple is developing a service called Home Kit that will allow people to operate gadgets like garage openers and thermostats through one app. In related news, please don’t tell my parents about this. I can’t be explaining this stuff every week.” -Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new study, American fathers are spending more than twice the amount of time with their children than they used to. Experts say it’s due to a sweeping new trend called ‘unemployment.'” -Conan O’Brien

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. 

“Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth 50,000 years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep.” 

The lady sitting next to me exclaimed: “Wow, look! It just missed the highway!”    

 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You’re standing in your pizza.” 

Answer:  Thelma and Louise! Thelma’s husband, Darryl, has let his cleaning standards drop somewhat since his wife’s been away. After answering the door to the police he steps back into his pizza, which is on the floor.

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Yeah? Well at least your mom didn’t run over your leg in her Volvo, okay? Mine did.”

   

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

ACT_O_   

ANSWER: Missing in action 

 

Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….

Once there was a night watchman who had been caught several times sleeping on the job. The boss issued the final warning. On the next night he was caught with his head on his hand and his elbows on the desk.  “Aha, I’ve caught you again,” exclaimed the boss. The watchman’s eyes popped open immediately and he knew what had happened. Being a quick thinking man, he said one word before looking up at the boss. The boss apologized profusely and went home. What was the one word?

 
 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. KIM HILLYARD AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE PREHOLIDAY SOLVING LADIES!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org

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