Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, July 1, 2015.   

A. A. A. D. D. – Grumpy Old Man Syndrome…

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests itself: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.  I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the rubbish bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the rubbish first. But then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my cheque (check) book off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left. My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of coke that I had been drinking. I’m going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the coke aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over. I see that the coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye: they need to be watered. I place the coke down on the work surface, and I discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the work top, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone has left it on the kitchen table. I realise that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the lounge where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.” 

–Kurt Vonnegut 

“Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.” 

–W. C. Fields 

“If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.” 

–Mel Brooks  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Walter and his wife Masie are shopping in their local supermarket.  The husband picks up a case of Budweiser beer and puts it in their shopping cart.Men in supermarket

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks Masie. 

‘They’re on sale, only $20 for 24 cans Walter replies.

‘Put them back, we can’t afford them’ demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along Masie picks up a $40 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks Walter. 

‘It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,’ replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: ‘So does 24 cans of Bud and it’s half the price.’

Walter never knew what hit him.

The next thing he heard on the supermarket PA system was: ‘Clean-up on aisle 7, we have a husband down.’   

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You’re standing in your pizza.” 

Answer:  Thelma and Louise! Thelma’s husband, Darryl, has let his cleaning standards drop somewhat since his wife’s been away. After answering the door to the police he steps back into his pizza, which is on the floor.

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Yeah? Well at least your mom didn’t run over your leg in her Volvo, okay? Mine did.”

   

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

ACT_O_   

ANSWER: Missing in action 

 

Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….

Once there was a night watchman who had been caught several times sleeping on the job. The boss issued the final warning. On the next night he was caught with his head on his hand and his elbows on the desk.  “Aha, I’ve caught you again,” exclaimed the boss. The watchman’s eyes popped open immediately and he knew what had happened. Being a quick thinking man, he said one word before looking up at the boss. The boss apologized profusely and went home. What was the one word? 

 

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org

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2 thoughts on “Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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