Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

funny-The-Godfather-scene

WELCOME to Monday, June 29, 2015.   

THE CONFUSING ENGLISH LANGUAGE……………………

1. “The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian ‘pahks’ his ‘cah,’ the lost ‘r’s migrate southwest, causing a Texan to ‘warsh’ his car and invest in ‘erl wells.’”

2. “‘I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?”

3. Rudyard Kipling was fired as a reporter for the San Francisco Examiner. His dismissal letter was reported to have said, ‘I’m sorry, Mr. Kipling, but you just don’t know how to use the English language. This isn’t a kindergarten for amateur writers.’”

4. “The English language has a deceptive air of simplicity; so have some little frocks; but they are both not the kind of thing you can run up in half an hour with a machine.”

5. “What is the shortest word in the English language that contains the letters: abcdef? Answer: feedback. Don’t forget that feedback is one of the essential elements of good communication.”

6. “English grammar is so complex and confusing for the one very simple reason that its rules and terminology are based on Latin, a language with which it has precious little in common.”

7. “Making English grammar conform to Latin rules is like asking people to play baseball using the rules of football.”

8. “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’”

9. “In my sentences I go where no man has gone before… I am a boon to the English language.”

10. “Introducing ‘Lite’ – The new way to spell ‘Light’, but with twenty percent fewer letters.”

11. “England and America are two countries separated by a common language.”

12. “Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.”

13.  “When I read some of the rules for speaking and writing the English language correctly, I think any fool can make a rule, and every fool will mind it.”

14. “I speak two languages: Body and English.”

15.  “Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.”

16.  “Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language.”

17. “Our language is funny – a ‘fat chance’ and a ‘slim chance’ are the same thing.”

18. “If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.”

19. “If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.”

20. “Why do we have noses that run and feet that smell?”

21. “English is a funny language; that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway.”

22. “The word ‘good’ has many meanings.  For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man.”

23. “Lymph, v.:  to walk with a lisp.”

24. “I like the word ‘indolence.’ It makes my laziness seem classy.”

25. “The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘check enclosed.’”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Emerson College officials said that starting in 2016 they will offer students the opportunity to major in comedy. Or, you can just take your tuition money and burn it in front of your parents.” -Seth Meyers 

“According to a new study, 88 percent of Facebook users have admitted to spending some time looking at their ex’s profile. While the other 12 percent have admitted to spending ALL of their time looking at their ex’s profile.” -Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new survey that just came out, the issue most on the minds of college students is whether they’ll be able to find a job when they graduate. Experts say it’s silly for college students to worry about whether or not they’ll be able to find a job because the answer is no.” -Conan O’Brien

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Dad is from the old school, he always kept a rather large wad of what he liked to call ’emergency cash’ in his underwear drawer. One day I bought my dad an unusual personal safe–a can of spray paint with a false bottom so he could keep his money somewhat less obviously in this basement workshop. Later I asked Mom if he was using it.

“Oh, yes,” she replied, “he put his money in it the same day.”

“No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!” I gloated.

“They won’t have to,” my mom replied. “He keeps the paint can in his underwear drawer.” 

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Punk. Quarterback Punk.”  

Answer: Point Break! Kind of easy, I know. This is how Johnny (Keanu Reeves) introduces himself to Angelo (Gary Busey) after Angelo is complaining that his new partner is going to be some “Quarterback punk.” This movie has the best chase scene. They’re running through houses and Patrick Swayze throws a dog at Keanu Reeves. Yes, a dog. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “A man with lint-damaged hair but nonetheless a fireball!”

   

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

 What is represented below?

C = @

D = !

N = *

O = %

T = #

U = /

@%*!/@# = ?  

ANSWER: A code of conduct

 

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

A Name Train is a puzzle where each name is connected together like box cars in a train. You are given the first car (the Engine) and the last car (the caboose), and you have to fill in the car or cars in between. Every two consecutive cars will form a name of a person or character. Here is an example Name Train: Joan [ ] Li. The answer is Joan Jet Li (Joan Jet-Female singer, Jet Li-Actor) Ready? OK here goes:

1. Chris [ ] Hudson

2. Chris [ ] Asimov

3. Boy [ ] [ ] Ford 

4. Elton [ ] [ ] Newton

5. Curious [ ] [ ] [ ] Browne

 

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING FRIDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org

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