WELCOME to Wednesday, June 10, 2015.
True Doctor’s Reports…………….Really
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
6. Healthy appearing decrepit 99 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
7. The patient refused an autopsy.
8. The patient has no past history of suicides.
9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
10. Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a
40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car for physical therapy.
20. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
21. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
22. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“One man practicing sportsmanship is better than a hundred teaching it.” –Knute Rockne
“When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.” –Helen Keller
“Trust thyself only, and another shall not betray thee.” –Thomas Fuller
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Pat: Hey, Chris! How’s your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special. Chris: To tell you the truth, I’m really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird. Pat: You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird? I can’t believe it! Chris: Well, yeah. After all, he’s a parrot fish. Pat: I hate to tell you this, Chris, but while you might be able to teach a parrot bird to sing, you’re never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish. Chris: That’s what you think! He can sing all right. The thing is, he keeps singing off-key. It’s driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t think anybody could throw up more than that kid.”
Answer: The Wedding Singer! Robbie (Adam Sandler) says this to Julia (Drew Barrymore) when asked what was in her drink other than Coca-Cola she replies that she is not a big drinker and if she was she “would be puking more than that kid”.
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Rip ’em.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Using real names to make common words/phrases, name the offspring: (the first one is free!)
1. Mr and Mrs Voyant – Clare (as in Clairvoyant)
2. Mr and Mrs Tress
3. Mr and Mrs Nasium
4. Mr and Mrs Tate
5. Mr and Mrs Anthemum
6. Mr and Mrs Mander
7. Mr and Mrs Mite
8. Mr and Mrs Time
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
You will know that I am coming
From the jingle of my bell,
But exactly who I am is not an easy thing to tell.
Children, they adore me
for they find me jolly,
but I do not see them when the halls are decked with holly.
My job often leaves me frozen,
I am a man that all should know,
But I do not do business in times of sleet or ice or snow.
I travel much on business,
But no reindeer haul me around,
I do all my traveling firmly on the ground.
I love the time of Christmas,
But that’s not my vocational season,
And I assure that is because of a sound economic reason.
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/