Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, June 30, 2015.   

Tuesday’s Ponderings…… 

When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

Why doesn’t “onomatopoeia” sound like what it is?

Why do ‘tug’boats push their barges?

Why do we sing ‘Take me out to the ball game’, when we are already there?

Why are they called ‘stands’ when they’re made for sitting?

Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?

Why does one get in trouble for WRECKless driving?

Does a fish get cramps after eating?

Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“A rare fish normally found only in the Amazon was caught yesterday in a New Jersey pond. Researchers believe the fish got to New Jersey the same way as everyone else: by giving up.” -Seth Meyers 

“Some people paid more than $300 for tickets to go to the NBA draft, just to sit there and watch the draft. Also, it’s really your one chance to stand up and shout, ‘Is it me or is there a draft in here?'” -Jimmy Kimmel

“According to a new survey, Pizza Hut’s new hot dog pizza is the second worst pizza in America. Which explains their new slogan: ‘Pizza Hut – not the worst pizza in America.'” –Conan O’Brien  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

On vacation, a man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a snack at the restaurant, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. 

She lies down on the bed… just then, a train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown out of the bed. 

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. But just a few minutes later a train again shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor. 

Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager who says he’ll be right up. 

The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. 

“Look… lie here on the bed — you’ll be thrown right to the floor!” So he lies down next to the wife. 

Just then the husband walks in. He takes one look at the manager lying in bed with his wife and yells, “Hey! What are you doing in here!?” 

The manager calmly replies, “Would you believe I’m waiting for a train?”  

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “A man with lint-damaged hair but nonetheless a fireball!” 

Answer: Good Morning Vietnam! I wish I could treat my superiors like this. This is Adrian Crohnhauer’s description of his boss. His boss says things like “that’s about as good a polka as you’ll ever hear.”  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You’re standing in your pizza.”

   

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

A Name Train is a puzzle where each name is connected together like box cars in a train. You are given the first car (the Engine) and the last car (the caboose), and you have to fill in the car or cars in between. Every two consecutive cars will form a name of a person or character. Here is an example Name Train: Joan [ ] Li. The answer is Joan Jet Li (Joan Jet-Female singer, Jet Li-Actor) Ready? OK here goes:

1. Chris [ ] Hudson

2. Chris [ ] Asimov

3. Boy [ ] [ ] Ford 

4. Elton [ ] [ ] Newton

5. Curious [ ] [ ] [ ] Browne    

ANSWER: 1. Chris Rock Hudson   2. Chris Isaac Asimov  3. Boy George Harrison Ford 4. Elton John Wayne Newton  5. Curious George Michael Jackson Browne 

 

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

ACT_O_

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org

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Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, June 29, 2015.   

THE CONFUSING ENGLISH LANGUAGE……………………

1. “The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian ‘pahks’ his ‘cah,’ the lost ‘r’s migrate southwest, causing a Texan to ‘warsh’ his car and invest in ‘erl wells.’”

2. “‘I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?”

3. Rudyard Kipling was fired as a reporter for the San Francisco Examiner. His dismissal letter was reported to have said, ‘I’m sorry, Mr. Kipling, but you just don’t know how to use the English language. This isn’t a kindergarten for amateur writers.’”

4. “The English language has a deceptive air of simplicity; so have some little frocks; but they are both not the kind of thing you can run up in half an hour with a machine.”

5. “What is the shortest word in the English language that contains the letters: abcdef? Answer: feedback. Don’t forget that feedback is one of the essential elements of good communication.”

6. “English grammar is so complex and confusing for the one very simple reason that its rules and terminology are based on Latin, a language with which it has precious little in common.”

7. “Making English grammar conform to Latin rules is like asking people to play baseball using the rules of football.”

8. “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’”

9. “In my sentences I go where no man has gone before… I am a boon to the English language.”

10. “Introducing ‘Lite’ – The new way to spell ‘Light’, but with twenty percent fewer letters.”

11. “England and America are two countries separated by a common language.”

12. “Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.”

13.  “When I read some of the rules for speaking and writing the English language correctly, I think any fool can make a rule, and every fool will mind it.”

14. “I speak two languages: Body and English.”

15.  “Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.”

16.  “Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language.”

17. “Our language is funny – a ‘fat chance’ and a ‘slim chance’ are the same thing.”

18. “If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.”

19. “If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.”

20. “Why do we have noses that run and feet that smell?”

21. “English is a funny language; that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway.”

22. “The word ‘good’ has many meanings.  For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man.”

23. “Lymph, v.:  to walk with a lisp.”

24. “I like the word ‘indolence.’ It makes my laziness seem classy.”

25. “The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘check enclosed.’”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Emerson College officials said that starting in 2016 they will offer students the opportunity to major in comedy. Or, you can just take your tuition money and burn it in front of your parents.” -Seth Meyers 

“According to a new study, 88 percent of Facebook users have admitted to spending some time looking at their ex’s profile. While the other 12 percent have admitted to spending ALL of their time looking at their ex’s profile.” -Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new survey that just came out, the issue most on the minds of college students is whether they’ll be able to find a job when they graduate. Experts say it’s silly for college students to worry about whether or not they’ll be able to find a job because the answer is no.” -Conan O’Brien

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Dad is from the old school, he always kept a rather large wad of what he liked to call ’emergency cash’ in his underwear drawer. One day I bought my dad an unusual personal safe–a can of spray paint with a false bottom so he could keep his money somewhat less obviously in this basement workshop. Later I asked Mom if he was using it.

“Oh, yes,” she replied, “he put his money in it the same day.”

“No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!” I gloated.

“They won’t have to,” my mom replied. “He keeps the paint can in his underwear drawer.” 

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Punk. Quarterback Punk.”  

Answer: Point Break! Kind of easy, I know. This is how Johnny (Keanu Reeves) introduces himself to Angelo (Gary Busey) after Angelo is complaining that his new partner is going to be some “Quarterback punk.” This movie has the best chase scene. They’re running through houses and Patrick Swayze throws a dog at Keanu Reeves. Yes, a dog. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “A man with lint-damaged hair but nonetheless a fireball!”

   

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

 What is represented below?

C = @

D = !

N = *

O = %

T = #

U = /

@%*!/@# = ?  

ANSWER: A code of conduct

 

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

A Name Train is a puzzle where each name is connected together like box cars in a train. You are given the first car (the Engine) and the last car (the caboose), and you have to fill in the car or cars in between. Every two consecutive cars will form a name of a person or character. Here is an example Name Train: Joan [ ] Li. The answer is Joan Jet Li (Joan Jet-Female singer, Jet Li-Actor) Ready? OK here goes:

1. Chris [ ] Hudson

2. Chris [ ] Asimov

3. Boy [ ] [ ] Ford 

4. Elton [ ] [ ] Newton

5. Curious [ ] [ ] [ ] Browne

 

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING FRIDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, June 26, 2015.   

Friday’s Ponderings………………  

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, does it make a sound?
A single fact can spoil a good argument.
Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.
I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.
Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we’re already there?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If you yelled at your plants instead of talking to them, would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What’s another word for thesaurus?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on 

coming along and trying to put things in it. Terry Pratchett

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. Phyllis Diller

I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I’ve ever met. Herb Caen

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. Elayne Boosler

It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always 

just exactly fits the newspaper. Jerry Seinfeld

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A scientist was successful in cloning himself. He was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper. The scientist arrived with his clone and proceeded to the podium. The clone sat at the end of the head table. The scientist began the speech intending a tribute to the advances in the field of modern biology.  “My fellow scientists,” he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone sprang to his feet and shouted out, “he’s an idiot!”. The crowd began to murmur as the scientist commanded the clone to “sit down and shut-up!”. Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, “My fellow scientists,”. Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, “this dumb idiot couldn’t produce a copy on a Xerox. He’s fraudulent lying scum!”.  Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window. The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York’s finest arrived and were explained the events that had transpired.  The police chief said to the scientist, “We are going to have to arrest you.” The scientist replied, “For what? I have committed no crime. What fell from the window was a clone, not a person.”. The attending scientists nodded in agreement. “Well,” retorted the police chief, “we can not let this heinous act go unchallenged.”. The police chief thought for a moment and ordered the scientist held for “Making an obscene clone fall…” 

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “Stop your grinnin’ and drop your linen!”

Answer: Aliens! Hudson from “Aliens” is one of the most quotable characters ever captured on celluloid. He is the one-liner King. In this scene he has just located the Colonists on LV-426 using their ID chips – and he’s quite chuffed about it! 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Punk. Quarterback Punk.”

   

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.

Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic

Answer: The words are Start and Tart.

1. Outer layer -> Oxidized metal

2. Defraud; violate rules -> Thermal energy in transit

3. Sensation of cold -> Local land elevation

4. Go upward -> Jointed appendage; branch

5. Strong metal rope -> Having necessary skill

6. Confined; restrained -> Old; grew older

7. Stop; discontinue -> Freedom from hardship

8. Lacking dirt -> Lacking fat   

ANSWER: 1. Crust -> Rust  2. Cheat -> Heat  3. Chill -> Hill  4. Climb -> Limb  5. Cable -> Able  6. Caged -> Aged

7. Cease -> Ease  8. Clean -> Lean  

 

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

What is represented below?

C = @

D = !

N = *

O = %

T = #

U = /

@%*!/@# = ?

 

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING THURSDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji EmojiEmojiEmoji

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org

    

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, June 25, 2015.   

Improve your writing…… really…..

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. Contractions aren’t necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

12. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

13. Be more or less specific.

14. Understatement is always best.

15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

17. The passive voice is to be avoided.

18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

22. Don’t never use a double negation.

23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point

24. Do not put statements in the negative form.

25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.

26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great 

deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

28. A writer must not shift your point of view.

29. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a 

preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

30. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!

31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as 

of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.

32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

37. Always pick on the correct idiom.

38. The adverb always follows the verb.

39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They’re old hat; seek viable alternatives.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“I hope everyone who deserved it had a good Father’s Day. Kids will buy cards and T-shirts and even little trophies that say their father is the best dad in the world. But the fact of the matter is that simple math tells us the vast majority of these kids are lying.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“There are reports that Amazon may be able to launch its drone delivery program within the next year. So if you hear your doorbell and see a robot hovering near your house, it could be the end of the world…or, the 12-pack of Brita filters you ordered.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Beachgoers in Florida have been warned about deadly flesh-eating bacteria in the water. Of course, if you’re even in Florida, you’ve already ignored a few warnings.” -Seth Meyers 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too. Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he’d found inside the dryer. He didn’t know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job.  “I have the other parts,” the clerk said, “but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife’s bra.”

 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Remember my birthday party? You drank all the Blueberry Schnapps and luged on my mom?”

Answer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Buffy tries to convince Grueler that he doesn’t want to kill her now he is a vampire, because they used to be friends. Luke Perry disposes of him shortly anyway (what a depressing way to go – at the hand of Mr Perry who, having stabbed you through the heart goes on to call you “a coat rack”). 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Stop your grinnin’ and drop your linen!”

   

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

What phrase is represented below?

HEA wooden stick VEN

HEA wooden stick + sulphur head VEN

HEA wooden stick + sulphur head + phosphorus tip VEN   

ANSWER:  A Match made in Heaven! A match (wooden stick + sulphur head + phosphorus tip, which are the components of matches) is being made in HEAVEN 

 

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.

Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic

Answer: The words are Start and Tart.

1. Outer layer -> Oxidized metal

2. Defraud; violate rules -> Thermal energy in transit

3. Sensation of cold -> Local land elevation

4. Go upward -> Jointed appendage; branch

5. Strong metal rope -> Having necessary skill

6. Confined; restrained -> Old; grew older

7. Stop; discontinue -> Freedom from hardship

8. Lacking dirt -> Lacking fat

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING TUESDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji Emoji

 

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org

   

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, June 24, 2015.     

LAW PUNOGRAPHY….. 

1) Lawyers wear law suits.

2) Next time you get a lawyer a drink, give him just-ice.

3) A lawyer using a facsimile machine must be sure to get his fax straight.

4) A lawyer for a church did some cross-examining.

5) Does a lawyer representing an angry cow find just cause for sour milk in a dairy case?

6) A detective likes to have a brief case.

7) The detective who went to investigate a burned down post office figured that it must be blackmail.

8) There are many judges who would like to acquit smoking.

9) Old judges never die, they just slur their sentences.Emoji

10) A police dog is often the scenter of a drug arrest.

11) If there’s one person you don’t want to interrupt in the middle of a sentence, it’s a judge. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Humor is also a way of saying something serious.”  –T. S. Eliot 

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson 

“Obviously crime pays, or there’d be no crime.” –G. Gordon Liddy  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services. 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Are we having a Boo Radley moment?” 

Answer: Benny and Joon! Joon is mentally ill and doesn’t like being treated like a freak. This quote is a reference to a character from “To Kill a Mockingbird”. 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Remember my birthday party? You drank all the Blueberry Schnapps and luged on my mom?”

   

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.

Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic

Answer: The words are Start and Tart.

1. Wear away -> Travelled on an animal

2. Fill with joy -> Not on time; dead 

3. Each; all -> To a high degree

4. Something that happens -> To let off pressure

5. Large property with a house -> Declare; say

6. Come out from -> To combine; unite

7. Feeling; passion -> Movement

8. Same in ability; fairness -> Trait; character   

ANSWER: 1. Erode -> Rode  2. Elate -> Late  3. Every -> Very  4. Event -> Vent  5. Estate -> State  

6. Emerge -> Merge  7. Emotion -> Motion  8. Equality -> Quality 

 

Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….

What phrase is represented below?

HEA wooden stick VEN

HEA wooden stick + sulphur head VEN

HEA wooden stick + sulphur head + phosphorus tip VEN

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING TUESDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

 

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org

   

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

3550ac4be0d119173134ca8e7dddff2e

WELCOME to Tuesday, June 23, 2015.     

Creative wording…………

BEING CREATIVE WITH TROUBLESOME KIN 

You are working on your family genealogy and for sake of example, let’s say that your great-great uncle, Remus Starr, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. 

A cousin has supplied you with the only known photograph of Remus, showing him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture are the words: 

“Remus Starr: Horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison, 1885. Escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged, 1889.” 

Pretty grim situation, right? But let’s revise things a bit. We simply crop the picture, scan in an enlarged image and edit it with image processing software so that all that is seen is a head shot. 

Next, we rewrite the text: 

“Remus Starr was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. 

Beginning in 1885, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.”   

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“According to a new study, the recommendation that people need eight glasses of water per day is a myth. I think we figured that out when we never once drank eight glasses of water and still survived.” -Seth Meyers

“In England, the world’s oldest bride and groom tied the knot. She’s 91, he’s 103. Men are unbelievable. He couldn’t find someone his own age? They’re the world’s oldest newlyweds, but I like to think of them as the world’s newest oldlyweds.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“According to The New York Times, one of the biggest doping scandals in the history of track and field is coming to light. It involves Russian athletes in the sport of racewalking – or as it’s known to the billions of people who do it every day, ‘hurrying up.'” -James Corden  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A few years ago a refugee from Laos came to the US in one of the resettlement influxes. He had been an announcer in radio back in Laos, and he wanted to get into the same line of work here. The first thing he did was join AFTRA (American Federation of Television and Radio Announcers). He tried to pursue a job, but of course, he had problems with the English language, being a new resident. In order to keep body and soul together while going to English classes, he took up barbering. Soon, he became a very good barber, giving haircuts, stylings, and shaves. He seemed to be an artist with the straight razor. In fact, the shop where he worked made him specialize in giving shaves.  Thus, he became known as an AFTRA shave Laotian. Emoji

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Now you’ve got all the ones with beards on one side, and all the ones with moustaches on the other!”

Answer: Erik the Viking! When organising a expedition in a lovely Viking longship, you have to wonder if this type of information is as important as Snori the Miserable claims it is! This movie stars Tim Robbins, John Cleese and Tim McInnery.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Are we having a Boo Radley moment?”

   

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

I’m often seen around a lot, referred to many ways,

See me black and you may find misfortune haunts your days.

Tell a thing, that should have been kept quiet, to all around,

Then look inside the sack, there I’m no longer to be found. 

Nosiness, prying, snooping, leaves me fearing, full of dread,

For all these things are likely to see me soon lying dead.

These clues combined should start to give a picture, an idea,

Of who or what I am, so can you tell me? Is it clear?   

ANSWER:  If you thought those clues lead to a cat then happily you’re right,

For bad luck is yours when a black cat should come across your sight.

And when you reveal a secret, even though you said you wouldn’t,

You’ve let the cat out of the bag by telling what you shouldn’t.

Nosiness, prying, snooping and inquisitiveness, oh drat!

They make up curiosity, which, we all know, killed the cat!

 

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.

Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic

Answer: The words are Start and Tart.

1. Wear away -> Travelled on an animal

2. Fill with joy -> Not on time; dead 

3. Each; all -> To a high degree

4. Something that happens -> To let off pressure

5. Large property with a house -> Declare; say

6. Come out from -> To combine; unite

7. Feeling; passion -> Movement

8. Same in ability; fairness -> Trait; character 

  

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org

   

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

stillstrippingafter25years

WELCOME to Monday, June 22, 2015.      

Amazing Anagrams……….
Dormitory == Dirty Room
Desperation == A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code == Here Come Dots
Slot Machines == Cash Lost in ’em
Animosity == Is No Amity
Snooze Alarms == Alas! No More Z’s
Alec Guinness == Genuine Class
Semolina == Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point == I’m a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes == That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two == Twelve plus one
Contradiction == Accord not in it
This one’s amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare]
To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
Becomes: In one of the Bard’s best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.
And the grand finale: “That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” — Neil A. Armstrong
becomes: A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Dad’s are born without the sympathy gene. You can break your leg, hobble into your house, and all your dad will do is look over the paper and grumble, ‘Shake it off!'” –Robert G. Lee

“A tornado touched down, uprooting a large tree in the front yard and demolishing the house across the street. Dad went to the door, opened it, surveyed the damage, muttered, ‘Darn kids…’ and closed the door.” –Tom Conway

“My dad’s a writer. His favorite expression is ‘The pen is mightier than the sword,’ which I believed for a long time. Until I moved into the city, and I got into a fight with this guy. He cut me up real bad, and I drew a mustache on his face…and then I wrote him a nasty letter.” –Kevin Brennan 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.  Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. “I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!”  “That’s okay, dearie,” the aunt replied. “After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway.”

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable, or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?” 

Answer:  High Fidelity! Always good to start with an easy one, eh? In this scene, Rob (John Cusack) ponders a philosophical question for our generation.

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Now you’ve got all the ones with beards on one side, and all the ones with moustaches on the other!”

   

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Place the same pair of letters onto both sets of blanks to complete a common word. Each answer will have a different pair of letters.

1. F __ __ G __ __ N T

2. P A __ __ T __ __ G

3. __ __ C K L I __ __

4. B __ __ D S T __ __ D

5. __ __ A F __ __ T 

  

ANSWER: 1. RA = FRAGRANT
2. IN = PAINTING
3. NE = NECKLINE
4. AN = BANDSTAND
5. LE = LEAFLET
 

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

I’m often seen around a lot, referred to many ways,

See me black and you may find misfortune haunts your days.

Tell a thing, that should have been kept quiet, to all around,

Then look inside the sack, there I’m no longer to be found. 

Nosiness, prying, snooping, leaves me fearing, full of dread,

For all these things are likely to see me soon lying dead.

These clues combined should start to give a picture, an idea,

Of who or what I am, so can you tell me? Is it clear?

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD ONCE AGAIN GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE JOB BANKS!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org