Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, May 28, 2015.    

The Laws of Work…..

No matter what your job, or where you work, you’ll find that many of these “laws,” sadly, ring true.

Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. 

It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. 

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

The first 90 percent of a project takes 90 percent of the time. The last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent of the time.

If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. 

A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt. 

Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. 

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. 

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. 

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. 

If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. It’s no use being a fool about it.

Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back. 

Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.” 

Never delay the end of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. 

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy. 

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work they’re supposed to be doing. 

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. 

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it. 

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. 

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t. 

If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done. 

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. 

When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried. 

Following the rules will not get the job done. 

Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules. 

No matter how much you do, you never do enough. 

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

 “Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any moment.” –Ira Gassen

“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.” –Mark Twain

“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because the are generally the same people.” –Gilbert Keith Chesterton 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Our Supply Clerk at the factory where I work, discovered a box that was left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: DANGER DO NOT TOUCH!  Management was called and all employees were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analyzed.  When the foreman arrived, he donned gloves and safety glasses, and then, very carefully opened the box. Inside were 25 signs that read: DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH! 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You’re turning into a one-woman USO!” 

Answer: Grease! Rizzo says this to Marty after Marty shows the other Pink Ladies and Sandy all the pictures of all her pen pals that are in the service. This is during the sleepover scene, right before Sandy starts to sing 

“Hopelessly Devoted To You”. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Like a rooster with an itch!”

   

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Whenever a phrase or sentence becomes part of the common language, there is a strong possibility that it will be quoted inaccurately.

Over the course of time, a letter gets shifted or a word is changed and forevermore the quotation becomes a cliche that nobody ever gets quite right.

Try to complete each proverbial cliche:

1.) ” I only regret that I have but one life to ______ for my country.” – Nathan Hale

2.) “Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no ______ .”

3.) “Music hath charms to soothe ______ .” – William Congreve

ANSWER:  1.) lose   2.) fibs   3.) a savage breast 

 

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

A lady, very concerned about her appearance and the environment, was being interviewed about keeping her beauty without compromising on environmental issues. When she was asked how she managed to keep her hair so shiny and silky without washing it every day, she declared she never washed it!

How could this be true?

  

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

 

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