Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, May 26, 2015.      

Oxymoronic Statements….

Some people say that I’m superficial, but that’s just on the surface. 

On one hand, I’m indecisive; but on the other, I’m not. 

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance. 

The world’s full of apathy, but I don’t care. 

Perspective is in the eye of the beholder. 

Prejudiced people are all alike. 

What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds? 

Evil isn’t all bad. 

I’m still not sure if I understand ambiguity. 

Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness. 

There’s no such thing as nonexistence. 

Cooperation can only be reached if we work together. 

As far as I’m concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty into question. 

He doesn’t have much of a reputation or so I’ve heard. 

I disagree with unanimity. 

I have my doubts about disbelief. 

Avoid alliteration…always. 

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 

One should never generalize. 

Avoid cliches like the plague. 

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 

Profanity sucks. 

I have a twin brother; he’s identical, but I’m not. 

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. 

Death to all fanatics! 

An oral contract isn’t worth the paper its written on. 

If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure. 

I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous! 

I always wanted to be a procrastinator! 

Rehab is for quitters! 

The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are. 

Don’t be redundant by repeating yourself. 

Grammar has gots to be one of the most importantest things ever? 

My identity lies in not knowing who I am. 

I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn’t enough anxiety in my life. 

I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid. 

Free advice is worth what you paid for it. 

Entropy just isn’t what it used to be. 

I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I am not sure if I believe it. 

There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can’t. 

Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don’t believe in dragons. 

Life is full of uncertainties…or I could be wrong about that? 

Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary. 

Always remember you’re unique…just like everyone else!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Researchers have found that children in preschool are exercising only 12 percent of the day. I have an easy way to fix this. If you want kids to exercise, get an ice cream truck and just drive it slowly around the block. They will give chase. I’ve seen it happen.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“This week presidential candidate Bernie Sanders introduced a new bill that would make four-year college tuition free. Which was great news, unless you were the student who was just walking out of your graduation.” -Jimmy Fallon 

“Chelsea Clinton has written a children’s book titled ‘It’s Your World: Get Informed, Get Inspired & Get Going.’ It’s a great book to read to your workaholic toddler.” -Seth Meyers 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back.  Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. “How do you suppose this ball got in here?” I asked the boy.  Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, “Wow! I must have thrown it right through that hole!”

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Tie? What she mean tie?”   

Answer: To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar! Noxeema Jackson (Wesley Snipes) says this just as they are about to award the crown to the new Drag Queen Of The Year. Last year’s winner Rachael Tensions (RuPaul) announces that there was a tie between Noxeema and Miss Vida Bohemme (Patrick Swayze).

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Gig for Bean!”

   

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

The following word pairs are anagrams which can be combined to form the name of an animal.Try to figure it out.

1. Zeal, Gel

2. Neat, Help

3. Boa, Luff

4. Bow, Mat

5. Evil, Owner

 

ANSWER: 1. Gazelle.  2. Elephant.  3. Buffalo.  4. Wombat.  5. Wolverine.  

 

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

A man wanted to get into a members only club so he hid and watched the guard at the door of the club house. The guard said a number to each member as they approached, and the member would respond with a number of their own. If the member responded with the correct number they were let in. If they responded incorrectly they were thrown out. One member came up to the door, the guard said twelve, and the member responded with six and was let in. Another member came to the door, the guard said six and the member responded with three and was let in. Believing he had heard enough, the reject went up to the guard. The guard said ten, and the reject said five, but was not let in. What should the reject have said? 

  

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

 

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