Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, May 25, 2015.      

Playing with a Funny Word or Two……………  

Why do performers recite a play, yet play at a recital?

When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Dessie decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

The city tip was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

In the boat, a row erupted amongst the oarsmen about how to row.

Chloe was too close to the door to close it.

Sherrie shed her shoes in the shed.

Why do our noses run but our feet smell?

Freddie filled in his form by filling it out.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday weekend people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Three Southwest Airlines baggage handlers are accused of smuggling drugs in luggage. The officials became suspicious when every single one of the Southwest bags made it to its destination.” -Conan O’Brien

“Bruce Springsteen is selling his house in Beverly Hills for around $70 million. And for that much money, the house actually comes WITH Bruce Springsteen.” -Jimmy Fallon 

“Scientists working on The Syracuse University Lava Project have discovered how to grill a steak using lava. The hard part is getting the cow up on the volcano.” -Seth Meyers 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. 

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.Emoji

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Roger, holding the spit.”

Answer: Super Troopers! In fear of their station being shut down, Captain O’Hagen tells his Vermont State Troopers to “step it up”, but it only serves to fuel their “high”-jinx even further, in comedy troupe Broken Lizard’s surprise hit movie.

When the Dimpus Burger cashier announces over the intercom not to spit in Officer Farva’s burger, the fry cook responds, “Roger, holding the spit.” 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Tie? What she mean tie?”

   

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Many of our everyday words have more than one meaning. Below are eleven pairs of definitions. Both definitions in each pair fit the same word. When read down, the first letters of the eleven answers will spell out the name of a beloved TV celebrity.

1. Spend time idly or bread unit

2. Worker’s organization or marriage

3. Pine tree fruit or ice cream holder

4. Feeling of curiosity or savings account accrual

5. Land parcel or considerable quantity

6. Illumination or not weighty at all

7. Typewriter type style or the VIP crowd

8. Baby’s toy or city square

9. Weapon or upper body appendage

10. Bowling group or three nautical miles

11. Stand at a slant or thin

 

ANSWER:  1. Loaf  2. Union  3. Cone  4. Interest  5. Lot  6. Light  7. Elite  8. Block

9. Arm  10. League  11. Lean 

 

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

The following word pairs are anagrams which can be combined to form the name of an animal.Try to figure it out.

1. Zeal, Gel

2. Neat, Help

3. Boa, Luff

4. Bow, Mat

5. Evil, Owner

 

  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 

NICE WORKS BANKS!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji Emoji

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

 

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