Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Hipster-of-everything

WELCOME to Friday, May 22, 2015.      

Here’s the story in true Spoonerisms style……

(Spoonerisms are words or phrases in which letters or syllables get swapped. This often happens accidentally in slips of the tongue (or tips of the slung as Spoonerisms are often affectionately called!) Try reading this out loud!  

Ali Theeva and the Forty Babs

by Colonel Stoopnagle

Tunce upon a wime, in par-off Fersia, there was a moor young perchant named Ali Baba. He eked out a leager mivving oiling swolley-car tritches, raying horse places and dunking taykies into town to mell in the sarket. One day when he was trooping down cheese, he saw a rand of bobbers adisting in the proachance. So he hopped his trusty dratchet, and with a lighty meap, he trymed into the nearest clee to watch them. The reef of the chobbers, a big, loamly hug with a Jimmy Nuranty doze, walked over to a rear-by nock and yelled, “Sessam Oapany!” whereupon a door bung swack and his whole thang of geaves entered. In a mupple of kinnets they emerged. The creader lied, “Sess Cloazamee!” and the shore swung dutt. (Wasn’t that a trifty nick?)

Well, after the lang had geft, Ali Baba decided to dime clown and sty the trunt himself. He yelled, “Soapen Essamee!” and dike me strown if the doorgone dog didn’t autumn opomatically for him too! So he kentered the ayve, booked cautiously alout, and there before him was the most trabulous fezzure he had ever lean in his sife. Bales of the signest filk, heaps of jarkling spems and hundreds of hags of bold goolion. Here was something for Believe-it-or-rip Notley! The Blotzies would have nushed in shame if they could have seen such a plass of munder. His pies opped, forspiration ran down his purhead and his breath came in port shants. He thought he was going to have trummock stubble. But he eked his keppelibrium, yelled, “Stoaze Clessamee!” stabbed all the gruff he could carry and han for roam.

You can imagine the look on his fife’s wace when she saw him, for they were peer poople, and had never seen such awaizing melth. “Oh, you crunderful weeture!” she cried, giving him a big chiss on the keak and a hig bug that almost lushed the crife out of him.

Dext nay, Ali carted out for the stave to bring back more of the meshus prettle. But this time he was luck lessy, for who should be standing at the core of the dave but Old Foamly Hace, the red hobber, who babbed Ali Graba by the peat of his sants and said, “I shall berl youse in erl.” (You see, he was a Boyklyn brook.)

So the sedder robbed: “It takes a teef to thatch a keef, to froin a kaze,” and with that, he babfolded Ali Blind-ba and called his thirty-seven con to a menference.

“Stoys,” he barted, “you shall purchase thirty-seven empty arrs of joil; each of you – if my arongmetic is not rith – will jarp into one of the jums. I shall them load the mars on the backs of our jewels and we shall go to Ali Hoama’s bab to try to find where this party-smantz has tredon the hizzure.” Ali Waba binced; suppose his wife should tool them the treth!

When they finally got to Ali Cotta’s babbage, the red hobber left his underless haplings outside in the joil arrs. (Gritty preecy, don’t you think? But they were rasty nobbers, so “let the punishment crit the fime.”* ) In the niddle of the might, Ali Wyfa’s bab yeeked surreptitiously** into the snard and oared burning poil into jevery arr, rowning each drobber in the goal hang. Jewel, of course, but nevertheless crust.

Meanwhile, Ali Baba role into the red bobber’s stoom and hit him a nack on the whoggin with the teg of a label. That character will tawze no more crubble, for he’s in a kermanent poama. In other durds, he’s wed.

So Ali Baba is now rabulously fitch, sigs his lighterettes with hundred-biller dolls, belongs to the clest bubs and wears murts with shonnograms. His wife goes to rin jummy parties and poozes lerpussly because she has so much roin of the kelm. Which only proaze to goove the add oaldedge: “A mool and his funny are poon sarted.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Memorial Day weekend people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

Start by doing whats necessary; then do whats possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. – Francis of Assisi

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart. – Helen Keller

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door. Milton Berle

I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. Jimmy Dean

Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around. – Henry David Thoreau

Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence. – Vince Lombardi  

We know what we are, but know not what we may be. – William Shakespeare

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’! Audrey Hepburn

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. Steve Jobs 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Very early one morning two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a worm on the other side. So … the one flies over and the other one swims through-which one gets to the worm first? The one who swam, of course, because “Da oily boid gets da woim.”  There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.   

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “That’s quite a humor you have.”  “Well, if you’re going to London, and you’re going to London then I’m going to London.”  

Answer: Husbands!  John Cassavetes (who also wrote and directed), Peter Falk (TV’s ‘Columbo’) and Ben Gazarra play Gus, Archie, and Harry, respectively who, while mourning the death of their friend, go on an out-of-control, forty-eight-hour, drinking bender.  During a boisterous drinking contest Archie, referring to Harry, says, “That’s quite a humor you have”. With Gus and Harry having already made their decisions, Archie proclaims, “Well, if you’re going to London…” 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Roger, holding the spit.” 

   

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

I am more microscopic than microscopic; I am more minuscule than minuscule. 

I am smaller than small and I am tinier than tiny. 

Yet surprisingly, I am still big. What am I?

ANSWER:  The word “big”. It only has 3 letters and is therefore shorter in length than the words “tiny”, “small”, “minuscule”, and “microscopic”.

 

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

Many of our everyday words have more than one meaning. Below are eleven pairs of definitions. Both definitions in each pair fit the same word. When read down, the first letters of the eleven answers will spell out the name of a beloved TV celebrity.

1. Spend time idly or bread unit

2. Worker’s organization or marriage

3. Pine tree fruit or ice cream holder

4. Feeling of curiosity or savings account accrual

5. Land parcel or considerable quantity

6. Illumination or not weighty at all

7. Typewriter type style or the VIP crowd

8. Baby’s toy or city square

9. Weapon or upper body appendage

10. Bowling group or three nautical miles

11. Stand at a slant or thin

 

 

  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!  NICE WORKS BANKS!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

 

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