Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Monday-motivational-fail

WELCOME to Monday, May 18, 2015.    

Ponderings for Monday….
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Scientists have discovered how to restore sight to blind mice. Next up, the scientists will try to restore the homes of three little pigs.” -Conan O’Brien

“According to a list by ‘Business Insider,’ Washington University in St. Louis is the college with the best food. While the college with the worst food is the Olive Garden’s culinary institute.” -Seth Meyers

“Whole Foods is planning on opening a new chain of stores that carry lower-priced natural foods aimed at millennials. It’s even got a catchy name: Trader Joe’s.” -Jimmy Fallon 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “What is the opposite of joy?”

“Sadness,” said the student.

And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

“Elation,” said she.

“And you sir,” he said to the young man from Texas, “how about the opposite of woe?”

The Texan replied, “Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.”  

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “Yeah, well, to some people I’m just the devil in blue suede shoes. Don’t ya believe it, okay? I never stole nothin’, ya hear?” 

Answer: At Close Range! Also based on a true story, Brad Whitewood,Jr. (Sean Penn) is taken under his estranged father’s wing (Christopher Walken), and welcomed into the family, a family of thieves who will resort to anything to get what they want.

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “My grandmother used to say America’s a big melting pot, when you stir it all the scum rises to the top.”

   

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

My first is a number, my second another, 

And each, I assure you, will rhyme with the other. 

My first you will find is one-fifth of my second, 

And truly my whole, a long period reckoned. 

Yet my first and my second (nay, think not I cozen), 

When added together, will make but two dozen. 

How many am I? 

 

ANSWER: Four Score.  

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

Answer the clues with a pair of rhyming words.

(plump feline = fat cat)

1. Moby Dick fan letter

2. Stream cove

3. Medieval soldier competition

4. Extra couple

5. Metal drain plug

 

  

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

 

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