Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, May 12, 2015.   

Funny Answering Machine Messages…

Roses are red, some willows weep, please leave your message, after the beep

“Hi, we aren’t in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep, everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you’ve finished.”

I’m not here, so say goodbye, or leave a message, and I’ll reply

Like Barney (the purple dinosaur):

I’ll call you, cause you called me. We’re the ______ family. So leave your

name and number at the tone. Sorry that we’re not at home.

“Hi, you have reached the Borg collective. Please leave your name and star system and we’ll assimilate you as soon as we can.”

“Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? you

guessed it. Guess what’s next? You guessed it…”

Roses are red, violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, and so are you

The roses have wilted, the violets are dead,

The sugar bowl’s empty, and so is your head

The roses stink, sorta like sheep

But leave your name, number, and message after the beep

The roses are molding, the violets are rotten

And I might call you back, if I haven’t forgotten

We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out!

“Hello? …Hello? …Hellooo? I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to speak

up, I can’t hear you… That’s ‘cuz I’m not home! Leave a message. BEEP.”

You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is “The Twilight Phone”

This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes. If you don’t wish this call to be monitored or recorded, then please let the answering machine know when you leave your message.

Hi. This is John:

If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.

If you are my parents, please send money.

If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money.

If you are my friends, you owe me money.

If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“A zoo in Japan had to issue an apology today because of the name they gave a newborn monkey. They named her Charlotte after the new royal baby in England. The zoo has apologized. Meanwhile, if you remember, William and Kate named their first kid after Curious George, which is a monkey by the way.” -Jimmy Kimmel

On Mother’s Day, Hooters gave all mothers a free order of 10 hot wings with a drink purchase. I’d have taken my mom but I just took her there for Easter. And her birthday.” -Conan O’Brien

“It was confirmed this week that Lucasfilm and Disney are set to develop another ‘Indiana Jones’ sequel. This time the ancient relic everyone is searching for is Indiana Jones.” -Jimmy Fallon 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian.

She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck’s path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped.  I rushed to the woman’s side to see if she was all right.  “I’m fine,” she assured me, “but if that dog hadn’t honked…”  

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Give back the head Madame, let’s have no trouble!”‘       

Answer: Harold & Maude!  Harold (Bud Cort) is a rich, bored twenty-year-old obsessed with death. When he meets seventy-year-old Maude (Ruth Gordon), who marvels over life, a very unusual friendship unfolds, in Hal Ashby’s hilarious cult classic. “Give back the head Madam…” is what Uncle Victor shouts when, in a staged event to help Harold avoid military service, Maude grabs the shrunken head Harold has pulled from inside his coat and runs away to throw it into the sea.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Oh, they work? Good, ’cause I just got them today.”

   

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

A magazine competition invited people to come up with “invented” inventions of the cyber-age. 

For example, a solar powered clothes drier (a rope) and a hand-held word processor (a pencil). Can you guess what this is?

It is a portable arcade. A hand-held amusement resource with no cartridges or batteries. Access games of speed, dexterity, memory, cunning. Produce magical effects or construct lofty towers. Some games can increase your income.  ANSWER:  A deck of cards.

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

I can be straight or not

I can be flat or round

I have three layers

The rounder I am – the straighter I am

I can be a person’s trademark

I can be chemically challenged

 

THE QUIZZLER OF THE DAY GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING MONDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! INCREDIBLE QUIZZING JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

 

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