Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

funny-pictures-of-old-ladies

WELCOME to Monday, May 11, 2015.    

Thought provoking oxymorons that make you think…..

The future isn’t what it used to be.

This man’s work cannot be underrated.

Way down deep he’s shallow.

Before they made him they broke the mold.

I feel a lot more like I do now than I did when I came in.

UFO’s show than our worst fears were groundless.

He’s a unique type.

You have one choice.

Acupuncture is pointless.

It’s 90% too late.

It’s probably a lot worse than it is.   

The Avant-Garde is Passe.

While these results may seem rather trivial, their importance cannot be underestimated.

There’s more to photography that meets the eye.

If you think about it long enough, you’ll see that it’s obvious.

Anyone who always tells the truth is a big liar.

The main trouble with impossibility is that it is never total.

If there’s anything I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.

I am going to be healthy if it kills me.

The only attitude I trust is skepticism.

Our lack of cooperation is mutual.

I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Life should have a purpose, however meaningless.

If everything goes perfectly, something’s wrong.

There’s nothing new in originality.

Down with propaganda!

Thinking is the last thing on my mind!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“A Florida man is suing a hospital for throwing his right leg away after it was amputated. The hospital says they’re not worried about the lawsuit because the man does not have a leg to stand on.” -Conan O’Brien

“Last week in an episode of ‘The Price is Right’, a contestant in a wheelchair was awarded a treadmill. Well, to be fair, the show isn’t called ‘The PRIZE is Right.'” -Seth Meyers

“The Internet has spoken and it said that girls love ‘dad bods.’ But the examples they used for dad bods were Jon Hamm and Leonardo DiCaprio. OK, one, they don’t have kids so they aren’t dads. Two, they are among the most handsome men the world has to offer. That article shouldn’t read ‘Girls love dad bods.’ It should read, ‘Girls love millionaire movie stars.'” -James Corden 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

The Bureau of prisons just announced the release of a serial bank robber who had looted over 30 banks before his capture. The parole board says he is completely rehabilitated and has found employment at his home in Prague. Yes, that is correct. They were able to right a bad czech.

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘What then, my brothers, didst thou in thy minds have?’          

Answer: A Clockwork Orange!  Alex asking his Droogs about the heist they wanted to pull.  

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Give back the head Madame, let’s have no trouble!”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) a lock’s companion and a bright-colored tropical bird & a vegetable and a vegetable

2) a chilly tome & a courageous chef

3) a mournful song & a spoiled cold dish of vegetables served with dressing

4) an excavation of an underground ore deposit in Geneva & the winner of a beauty pageant sponsored by pig farmers 

ANSWER:  1) key and parrot & pea and carrot

2) cold book & bold cook

3) sad ballad & bad salad

4) Swiss mine & Miss Swine 

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

A magazine competition invited people to come up with “invented” inventions of the cyber-age. 

For example, a solar powered clothes drier (a rope) and a hand-held word processor (a pencil). Can you guess what this is?

It is a portable arcade. A hand-held amusement resource with no cartridges or batteries. Access games of speed, dexterity, memory, cunning. Produce magical effects or construct lofty towers. Some games can increase your income.

 

THE QUIZZLER OF THE DAY GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING FRIDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! INCREDIBLE QUIZZING JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

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