Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

download

WELCOME to Friday, May 8, 2015.   

Innocent English Mistakes From New English Language Students…

Do you like this food? I made it from scratching!

I never liked mushrooms, but now they are starting to grow in me.

Do you like your coffee cremated?

Tomorrow I will go to a wine and cheese cutting party.

Every morning I have some toast and a big glass of flute juice.

Did you have breakfast? Yes. Now it is in my backpack.

My friends visited last night and we served a nice pig dinner.

My favorite food is crap cakes.

My mother is usually already cooked one or two hours before dinner.

A good lice cooker can keep your lice warm and eatable for two days.

My sister exploded in the microwave with a potato!

I think that if there is a beautiful waitress in one restaurant and a normal one in the second, and they both taste the same, most people will visit the first one.

Would you like a potato wedgie?

I usually worm up my food before I eat it.

My stomach is so crowded. I ate ten or twenty Buffalo wigs.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Mother’s Day Weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! 

Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Did anybody watch the big fight this weekend? The fight had so much clinching. If those guys had been hugged that much as children, they wouldn’t have grown up to be boxers.” -Seth Meyers

“Kim Kardashian is here tonight because she has a new book out. It’s called ‘Selfish.’ It is 400 pages of pictures she took of herself. You know how you can’t judge a book by its cover? This one you can.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Congrats to Prince William and Kate Middleton, who welcomed a baby girl on Saturday. The royal baby weighed eight pounds – or around 12 American dollars.” -Jimmy Fallon 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Because an increasing number of people are having heart attacks while gambling, the big, high-class casinos are now equipped with sophisticated defibrillators. They are computer-controlled to deliver the exact electric shock needed to revive a heart attack victim. That is, if you’re at a big, high-class casino. At the cheaper casinos downtown, they just drag you across the carpet and touch your finger to the doorknob. 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Look at that, Pappy. He’s got brand new windshield wipers for a busted windshield….you know, Pappy–you can’t polish a turd!’            

Answer: Christine! Garage owner to his dad when Arnie’s starting to fix up Christine. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘What then, my brothers, didst thou in thy minds have?’

     

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

What phrase is this?

Interrogator. “Who stole the gold?”

Parsley. “…”

Sage. “…”

Rosemary. “…”

Thyme. “It was Basil.”  

 

ANSWER:  Only time will tell.  lit. Only the herb Thyme (time) will tell who stole the gold.

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) a lock’s companion and a bright-colored tropical bird & a vegetable and a vegetable

2) a chilly tome & a courageous chef

3) a mournful song & a spoiled cold dish of vegetables served with dressing

4) an excavation of an underground ore deposit in Geneva & the winner of a beauty pageant sponsored by pig farmers

 

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s