Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, May 5, 2015.   

Funny one liners………..

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire. 

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

Are you wearing lipstick? Well, mind if I taste it?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. 

Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.

Atheists can do whatever the hell they want.

Attitude determines your altitude.

Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay…

Bad spellers of the world untie!

Bald guys never have a bad hair day.

Batteries not included.

Be good – and if you can’t be good, be careful.

Be good; if you can’t be good, have fun.

Be naughty – save Santa the trip.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Beauty lasts for a moment, but ugly goes on and on and on.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! 

Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“In Oregon, a number of brewers are competing to turn sewer water into beer. The brewer said, ‘Hey, if Bud Light can do it, we can do it.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A family cleaning out their grandparents’ attic in Florida found a wooden box containing a mummified pirate’s hand on a map with gold coins. A treasure chest full of gold pirate coins may be cool, but do you know what I have in my attic? Family heirlooms and pictures of all my loved ones – and isn’t that the real treasure? No, no it isn’t. The real treasure is a treasure chest full of gold pirate coins.” -James Corden

“Of course, tomorrow is the 141st running of the Kentucky Derby! Yeah, it’s that special time of year when people use a two-minute event as an excuse to drink for 12 hours.” -Jimmy Fallon 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

After a long day of shopping, my mother and I stopped at a grocery store. I ran in to pick up a few things, leaving her in the car. As I approached the checkout I was surprised to see my mother there waiting for me. “Mom,” I said, “what are you doing in here? I left the motor running.” 

“It’s all right, dear,” she replied reassuringly. “I locked the doors.”  

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘You moved the headstones, but you left the bodies, didn’t you?!’  

Answer: Poltergeist! Craig T. Nelson to his boss when he figures out the property was built on an old cemetary. 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘This could quite possibly be the stupidest person on the planet!’

TODAY’S MOVIE TRIVIA DIVA AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD FOR SOLVING MONDAY’S TRIVIA! SUPER SOLVING JOB KIM! 

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Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Below are incomplete words. Replace the letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.

Ri ( _ _ _ ) satile

Al ( _ _ _ ) oury

Mo ( _ _ _ ) ergo

Unaw ( _ _ _ ) na

A ( _ _ _ _ ) ounce

Fel ( _ _ _ ) ly 

 

ANSWER:  River – versatile   Alarm – armoury   Mound – undergo   Unaware – arena   Apron – pronounce   Fellow – lowly 

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

Handel has been killed and Beethoven is on the case. He has interviewed the four suspects and their statements are shown below. Each suspect has said two sentences. One sentence of each suspect is a lie and one sentence is the truth. Help Beethoven figure out who the killer is.

Joplin: I did not kill Handel. Either Grieg is the killer or none of us is.

Grieg: I did not kill Handel. Gershwin is the killer.

Strauss: I did not kill Handel. Grieg is lying when he says Gershwin is the killer.

Gershwin: I did not kill Handel. If Joplin did not kill him, then Grieg did.

 

 

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

   

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