Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, May 1, 2015.    

Funny Questions….. 

1. Why is it that when someone tells you that there’s billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. 

But if they tell you there’s wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

2.  How can there be self-help “groups”?

3.  Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride 

he sticks his head straight out the window? 

4. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

5. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

6. Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

7. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I 

wondered mothers from Asian countries use? Toothpicks?

8. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

9. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

10. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

11. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

12. Do people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?

13. If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

14. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

15. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

16. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

17. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

18. Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

19. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

20. How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! 

Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it. – Doug Larson

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. – Walter Lippmann

He who devotes sixteen hours a day to hard study may become at sixty as wise as he thought himself at twenty. – Mary Wilson Little

He more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it. – Jean Paul

Nine-tenths of wisdom is being wise in time. – Theodore Roosevelt

To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. – Bertrand Russell

No man was ever wise by chance. – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future. – George Bernard Shaw

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A young woman was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.  After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the woman shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!” The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!” Determined, the woman turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.  Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the woman flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, “Darn, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’ve got something to say; it’s better to burn out than to fade away.’ 

Answer:  Highlander!  

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Never let it be said that your anal-retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results!’

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Some anagrams are almost too good to be true. The letters in the capitalised words or phrases can be rearranged in delightful ways to fill the gaps!

e.g. Is my lovely _____ really a WOMAN HITLER?

Answer: mother-in-law

1. The _____ Church can be BEST IN PRAYER.

2. The school bully gave his victim NINE THUMPS as a _____.

3. Someone with BAD CREDIT can still manage to pay with a _____.

4. If you missed it last time, keep waiting, for _____ SHALL YET COME!

5. Perhaps because _____ could be a NICE SILKY WOMAN, a president fell for her!

ANSWER:  1. Presbyterian  2. Punishment  3. Debit Card  4. Halley’s Comet  5. Monica Lewinsky 

 

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

How is failure represented in the rebus below?

Options:

A) Success

B) Victory

C) Triumph

D) Accomplishment

 

 

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

  

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