Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, April 29, 2015.    

Lexophile Puns….
1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
16. A calendar’s days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
30. The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it. – Doug Larson

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. – Walter Lippmann

He who devotes sixteen hours a day to hard study may become at sixty as wise as he thought himself at twenty. – Mary Wilson Little

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. – H. L. Mencken

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions. – Mahfouz Naguib

Does wisdom perhaps appear on the earth as a raven which is inspired by the smell of carrion? – Friedrich Nietzsche

The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it. – Jean Paul

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, “What starting salary were you thinking about?” The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?” The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘WHAT ain’t no country I ever heard of. Do they speak English in WHAT?’  

Answer: Pulp Fiction! Samuel L. Jackson in arguably his best role ever…’Check out the big brain on Brett!’ 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Bubba’s got a girlfriend, Bubba’s got a girlfriend!’ 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

The following clues lead to two words or phrases that are the phonetic reverse of each other. When you answer the first clue and flip the syllables, you get the second answer. (Phonetic only, not letters.)Using the clues below, please find the words/phrases in question.
Example: Impertinent * Teetertotter
Answer: Saucy/Seesaw
1. A clock or watch * Period between wars (2 words)
2. Fabulous * Chase after
3. Have faith in * Not disturb (2 words)
4. European weight, informally * Understated (Hyphenated)
5. Student, say, with a summer office job * Go to bed (2 words)
 
ANSWER:  1. Timepiece / Peace Time   2. Super / Pursue   3. Believe / Leave be   4. Kilo / Low-key   5. Intern / Turn in 
 
Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….
A man left his house to go to work. When he got home he saw that his house had been broken into. The robbers had taken everything in his house except for 2 one hundred dollar bills that were in plain sight.
Why weren’t the one hundred dollar bills taken?
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

  
  

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