Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Whats-More-Demotivational-Than-This-5

WELCOME to Monday, April 20, 2015.   

Here’s the story……. 
After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.  After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringers job. The bishop was incredulous, “You have no arms!”
“No matter,” said the man, “Observe!”
He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo.  Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.  The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, “Bishop, who was this man?”
“I don’t know his name,” the bishop sadly replied, “but his face rings a bell.”   (but wait, there’s more…) The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bellringer of Notre Dame.  The first man to approach him said, “Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.”
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man’s brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop’s cries of grief at this second tragedy,rushed up the stairs to his side.
“What has happened?” the first breathlessly asked, “Who is this man?” “I don’t know his name,” sighed the distraught bishop, “but he’s a dead ringer for his brother.Emoji
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Because I know because somebody out there is laughing! Have a great Monday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“The only fun thing about filing your tax return is getting a refund. About 80 percent of taxpayers get money back, which is a weird thing to be happy about. That means you’ve been overpaying all year long. It’s like if someone broke into your house and the police recovered the stuff and brought it back and you said, ‘Oh, presents.'” -Jimmy Kimmel

“It’s April 15, tax day. The federal tax code is over 74,000 pages long. But stick with it because after page 72,000, it gets really good.” -Conan O’Brien

“According to a new poll, 57 percent of the people believe Hillary Clinton will be the next president. Now 43 percent of the people in that poll believe Hillary Clinton is already president.” -Dave Letterman 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

As one of relatively few female airline pilots, I’ve often been mistaken for a flight attendant, ticket agent or even a snack-bar employee. Occasionally people will see me in uniform and ask if I’m a “real” pilot. Still others congratulate me for making it in a male-dominated field. 

One day, I was in the restroom before a flight. I was at the sink, brushing my teeth, when a woman walked through the door and looked over at me. “My sister would be so proud of you!” she remarked. I figured her sister must be in the airline business, so I smiled and asked why. 

Replied the woman, “She’s a dentist.” 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘Well, I’m not trying to land him. I’m just using him for sex.’ 

Answer: Pretty Woman! Julia Roberts said that in ‘Pretty Woman’ after one of Edward’s friends said ‘Edward is one of our most eligible bachelors, everyone is trying to land him.’ 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘Is this not America!? Is baseball not America’s favorite pastime!?’

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

A potato’s key tool, I have all the power.
I am generally used on the half or full hour.
If my cells were deceased or lost or the such,
My partner would only respond to your touch.
What am I? 
 
ANSWER:  A television remote control. Often used by a “couch potato”.  Channels are most often changed between programs, which end on the hour or half-hour. If you lose the batteries, the only way to control the TV is by hand.

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.
 
1. Attract or please through personality -> To burn; scorch
2. Giving out moderate heat -> Conflict between nations
3. Kingdom; domain -> True; genuine
4. Solid, hard; fixed in place -> Type of evergreen tree
5. Remove from the surface; glide on a surface -> Narrow runner for gliding on snow
6. Line formed by sewing two pieces together -> Large body of salt water
7. Sew the edge of a cloth -> Male person
8. Agriculture site -> At a great distance
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING FRIDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! NICE WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

  
 

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