Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, April 6, 2015.    

Monday’s Pondering………………
Why doesn’t McDonald’s sell hotdogs?
Are eyebrows considered facial hair?
At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why are there no ‘B’ batteries?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his iPod?
If man evolved from monkeys, how come we still have monkeys?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
If you are bald, what hair color do they put on your driver’s license?
If God sneezes, what should you say?
Is it still illegal to park next to a fire hydrant, even if your car is on fire?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
If a baby’s leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn’t come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?
Do Jewish vampires still avoid crosses?
If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has a right to talk?
In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather “macaroni”?
Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
If vampires can’t see their reflections, why is their hair always so neat?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Do they have the word “dictionary” in the dictionary?
Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
Can you daydream at night?
Why do they call the little candy bars “fun sizes”. Wouldn’t it be more fun to eat a big one?
What is Satan’s last name?
What is a picture of a thousand words worth?
Why does quicksand work slowly?
Can crop circles be square?
If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don’t they fall through the floor?
Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! I know because somewhere, somebody is laughing!  Have a great Monday weekend people and whatever
you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“A new restaurant in New York has just opened and serves dishes made only from food scraps donated from other restaurants. Said Arby’s, ‘They’re on to us, every man for himself.'” -Seth Meyers

“A 95-year-old man has officially become the world’s oldest pilot. He’s also become the first pilot to fly at 25 miles per hour.” -Conan O’Brien

“Rand Paul is taking a week-long break from talking to the media to spend time with his family before he officially announces that he is running for president. Because nothing motivates you to be on the road for two straight years like a week alone with your family.” -Jimmy Fallon 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Noren Eron, the great Norse comic decided to bring his act to America. He booked several shows in the northern states and did well. He then took his act down south, but he realized that the farther south he went, the less the crowd appreciated his act which had the poor guy miffed. When he got to the Deep South, no one got his act at all. After many disappointing sets, he just quit one night and returned to Norway. This goes to show you…  You should never book a miffed Norse in the south.  

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Hey! What did you do with the world?”  “I turned it off.” 

Answer: The Thirteenth Floor! Whitney asks Douglas this, only it isn’t Whitney. Whitney’s counterpart from the simulated world gets into Whitley’s body and marvels at the modern technology. This is a great movie blurring, the lines of reality and virtual reality. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I think I’ll have a little crab, a little of that crab.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.
 
1. Evergreen tree -> Thin, pointed piece of metal
2. Burning process -> Evergreen tree
3. Gaze intently -> Heavenly body
4. Subject; unifying idea -> Those people
5. Money paid for work -> Move from side to side
6. Soft-surfaced leather -> Took to court
7. Harsh; extreme -> To cut off
8. To bring together -> A single thing 
 
ANSWER:  1. Pine -> Pin  2. Fire -> Fir  3. Stare -> Star  4. Theme -> Them  5. Wage -> Wag  6. Suede -> Sued
7. Severe -> Sever  8. Unite -> Unit

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

You are on your way to visit your Grandma, who lives at the end of the valley. It’s her birthday, and you want to give her the cakes you’ve made.
 
Between your house and her house, you have to cross 7 bridges, and as it goes in the land of make believe, there is a troll under every bridge! Each troll, quite rightly, insists that you pay a troll toll. Before you can cross their bridge, you have to give them half of the cakes you are carrying, but as they are kind trolls, they each give you back a single cake.
 
How many cakes do you have to leave home with to make sure that you arrive at Grandma’s with exactly 2 cakes?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SUPER SOLVING THE QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! NICE WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

  

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