Adolescent: A teenager who acts like a baby when you don’t treat him like an adult
Babysitter: Someone you pay to watch your television and eat your food
Boy: A noise with dirt on it
Brat: A child that acts like your own but belongs to someone else
Coffee: Break fluid
Dieting: Mind over platter
Diplomacy: The art of letting other people have your own way
Earthquake: A topographical error
Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries
Grandparent: A grandchild’s press secretary
Honeymoon: The brief period of time between “I do” and “You’d better!”
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math
Millionaire: A billionaire after his taxes are paid
Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once
Nostalgia: Living in the past lane
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark
Subdivision: A neighborhood where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them
Tater-Tots: Children of couch potatoes
Will: A dead giveaway
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! I know because somewhere, somebody is laughing! Have a great Thursday people and whatever
you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Starbucks is discontinuing its ‘Race Together’ initiative where baristas were asked to discuss race relations with customers. Apparently, there aren’t many combinations worse than ‘racial discussions’ and ‘hot liquids.'” -Seth Meyers
“Researchers at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Google has received a patent for air bags and bumpers for the outside of a car to protect pedestrians. The material has a similar consistency to the memory foam they make beds and pillows out of. So in the future, getting run over is going to be a lot more comfortable.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My friend asked his father-in-law, a crop duster, how his day had gone. “I had just the worst day,” replied the man. “This morning I was up in my plane dusting a field when I nicked a power line and damaged the wing on the plane. When I got back to the office, my boss chewed me out. Then the guy from the FAA chewed me out. “On my way home, I stopped at a bar and was handed a warm beer. So I yelled at the bartender, ‘Don’t you have any cold beer?!’ “The bartender said, ‘Sorry, but we’ve been out of electricity all day ever since some idiot crop-duster hit a power line down the road.'”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Now, you see how that works, she screws with the shark and now the sharks, they’re screwing with us.”
Answer: Deep Blue Sea! Michael Rapaport says this to Thomas Jane when Dr. Susan finally admits to genetically enhancing the sharks brain to get the cure for Alzheimer’s.
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “He’s down by the river, walking on water.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Each sentence below contains a word that can be anagrammed to answer or describe the sentence.
Example: Craft that might tip in the ocean. Answer: Canoe (Anagram of ocean)
1. Bit of brush
2. Opposite of unite
3. Writings of a steno
4. They affix without paste
5. Having less reason for fears
6. Animal that may need a shoer
ANSWER: 1. Shrub 2. Untie 3. Notes 4. Tapes 5. Safer 6. Horse
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Decapitate me and all becomes equal. Then truncate me and I become second. Cut me front and back and I become two less than I started.
What am I?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIOUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SUPER SOLVING THE QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! NICE WORK BANKS!
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/