Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, April 30, 2015.    

Here are some more of the of the best funny thoughts……

We all can’t be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Welcome what you can’t avoid.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.

What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens.

When I am sad, I sing, and then the world is sad with me.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

When in doubt empty the magazine.

When in doubt, do what the President does. Guess.

When in doubt, poke it with a stick.

When it’s dark enough you can see the stars.

When someone points skyward, it’s the fool that looks at the finger.

When the pin is pulled, Mr. grenade is not our friend.

When vultures fly, are they allowed carrion luggage?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!

Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“A U.N. study claims the happiest country in the world is Switzerland. When asked why they’re so happy, Swiss people couldn’t answer because their hands were counting money and their mouths were full of chocolate.” -Conan O’Brien

“A new survey has found that people in Ireland tell an average of four white lies per day. And three of them are, ‘I’m fine to drive home.'” -Seth Meyers

“A rare and beautiful thing was seen today – a quadruple rainbow. That’s four rainbows. They were seen by all seven of the people who looked up from their phones today.” -Jimmy Kimmel 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

While I was serving as a chief master sergeant at Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City, La., my son and namesake was also serving there. His two month old son, whose name was the same as ours, was receiving medical treatments at the base hospital.  I went on sick call one morning, and as the doctor reviewed my file, he looked at me in disbelief. “Are you Curtis E. Chaffin?” he asked. When I answered yes, he told me, “It says here that you turn blue when you cry.” 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Bubba’s got a girlfriend, Bubba’s got a girlfriend!’    

Answer: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2! Said by Leatherface’s twisted head-scratching brother while holding girl captive. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’ve got something to say; it’s better to burn out than to fade away.’

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

A man left his house to go to work. When he got home he saw that his house had been broken into. The robbers had taken everything in his house except for 2 one hundred dollar bills that were in plain sight. 

Why weren’t the one hundred dollar bills taken?

ANSWER:  Because they were an electricity bill for one hundred dollars and a phone bill for one hundred dollars. 

 

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

Some anagrams are almost too good to be true. The letters in the capitalised words or phrases can be rearranged in delightful ways to fill the gaps!

e.g. Is my lovely _____ really a WOMAN HITLER?

Answer: mother-in-law

1. The _____ Church can be BEST IN PRAYER.

2. The school bully gave his victim NINE THUMPS as a _____.

3. Someone with BAD CREDIT can still manage to pay with a _____.

4. If you missed it last time, keep waiting, for _____ SHALL YET COME!

5. Perhaps because _____ could be a NICE SILKY WOMAN, a president fell for her!

 

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

  

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, April 29, 2015.    

Lexophile Puns….
1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
16. A calendar’s days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
30. The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it. – Doug Larson

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. – Walter Lippmann

He who devotes sixteen hours a day to hard study may become at sixty as wise as he thought himself at twenty. – Mary Wilson Little

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. – H. L. Mencken

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions. – Mahfouz Naguib

Does wisdom perhaps appear on the earth as a raven which is inspired by the smell of carrion? – Friedrich Nietzsche

The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it. – Jean Paul

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, “What starting salary were you thinking about?” The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?” The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘WHAT ain’t no country I ever heard of. Do they speak English in WHAT?’  

Answer: Pulp Fiction! Samuel L. Jackson in arguably his best role ever…’Check out the big brain on Brett!’ 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Bubba’s got a girlfriend, Bubba’s got a girlfriend!’ 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

The following clues lead to two words or phrases that are the phonetic reverse of each other. When you answer the first clue and flip the syllables, you get the second answer. (Phonetic only, not letters.)Using the clues below, please find the words/phrases in question.
Example: Impertinent * Teetertotter
Answer: Saucy/Seesaw
1. A clock or watch * Period between wars (2 words)
2. Fabulous * Chase after
3. Have faith in * Not disturb (2 words)
4. European weight, informally * Understated (Hyphenated)
5. Student, say, with a summer office job * Go to bed (2 words)
 
ANSWER:  1. Timepiece / Peace Time   2. Super / Pursue   3. Believe / Leave be   4. Kilo / Low-key   5. Intern / Turn in 
 
Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….
A man left his house to go to work. When he got home he saw that his house had been broken into. The robbers had taken everything in his house except for 2 one hundred dollar bills that were in plain sight.
Why weren’t the one hundred dollar bills taken?
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

  
  

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, April 28, 2015.    

Steven Wright………………… 
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
How young can you die of old age?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.
On the other hand… You have different fingers.
I can levitate birds. No one cares.
Women… Can’t live with ’em… Can’t shoot ’em.
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
What do batteries run on?
I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one
time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.
I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it. You know, you turn it upside down
then you turn it back and it starts to snow. I bought one, except this has a snow plow that does it in rows.
[Later] I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it… Just checking.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Why is it, “A penny for your thoughts,” but, “you have to put your two cents in?” Somebody’s making a penny.
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Today is Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day, also known as No Work Gets Done Day. I wonder if anyone has ever been fired on ‘take your kid to work day.’ Just imagine, ‘Ron, will you and your daughter step into my office please?’ That would be a lesson about what it is like to work.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Anybody go to the Olive Garden? Every table at the Olive Garden now has a computer. It’s the perfect way for a family of four to ignore one another. And while you’re there on the Olive Garden computer, you can get on the Internet and look up a better restaurant.” Dave Letterman

“A company has come out with a line of medical marijuana dog treats. Finally a medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day.” -Seth Meyers  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking. 

“Next question,” announced the instructor. “How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?”

I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, “How do you spell ‘intellectual?'” 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘How am I supposed to get a chick in that?’

Answer: Basketball! Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s comedy masterpiece 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘WHAT ain’t no country I ever heard of. Do they speak English in WHAT?’  

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

 
How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
 
ANSWER: Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
 
Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….
The following clues lead to two words or phrases that are the phonetic reverse of each other. When you answer the first clue and flip the syllables, you get the second answer. (Phonetic only, not letters.)Using the clues below, please find the words/phrases in question.
Example: Impertinent * Teetertotter
Answer: Saucy/Seesaw
1. A clock or watch * Period between wars (2 words)
2. Fabulous * Chase after
3. Have faith in * Not disturb (2 words)
4. European weight, informally * Understated (Hyphenated)
5. Student, say, with a summer office job * Go to bed (2 words)
 
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

  
  

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, April 27, 2015.  

I had almost forgotten…
Now that my four kids are officially adults or in my world, they can afford to buy their own underwear, I can honestly say that I had almost forgotten the joy that children bring into our lives.  Watching them play, enjoying life without any reservations, and no worries. Children would play forever if you let them and they would eat everything you eat as long as they see you eating it. They run like energizer batteries until they simply stop and quickly fall asleep.  The trick is to watch and be available and when they have had enough they will simply crawl into your arms and feel asleep.  I had my grandbaby Eliya this past week for a couple of days. I was blessed to be able to watch her sleep, to watch her wake up each morning, and feed her breakfast.  The trust in her eyes, the laughter in her voice and the happiness in her living brought joy to my heart each day! How big this world of ours must be to her.
I had almost forgotten the sound of running feet, the jumping around and the sheer pleasure of eating food and humming while enjoying every single bite.  My challenge was to try and keep up with her as she ran expecting me to chase her, jump with her when she jumped and fall down when she fell down. Sometimes when I fell down I try to lay there for a little while longer just to catch my breath.  Of course every muscle in my body ached after she left with her parents, but the joy in my heart will never fade as I add her activities to my memory of stories about her father and his siblings. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“A new report shows that the typical tourist in Las Vegas is a 45-year-old married person from California. That explains the new motto – what happens in Vegas probably also happens in Fresno.” -Conan O’Brien

“A 120-pound Texas woman set a new competitive eating record yesterday after she ate three 72-ounce steaks, three baked potatoes, three shrimp cocktails, three salads, and three dinner rolls in 20 minutes. Or as they call it in Texas, a kids meal.” -Seth Meyers 

“Today is Earth Day. Environmentalists spent the day drawing attention to the Earth, while the Earth just spent the day checking Facebook to see which planets wished it a happy Earth Day.” -Jimmy Fallon

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

On a lonely, moonlit country road a young man’s car engine started to cough. Immediately pulling over to a scenic little spot he said to the young lady next to him, “That’s funny, I wonder what that knocking noise was?”  “I’ll tell you one thing for sure,” said the girl coolly, “It wasn’t opportunity.” 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘Put the candle BACK!’

Answer: Young Frankenstein!  Best comedy ever. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘How am I supposed to get a chick in that?’

TODAY’S MOVIE DIVA AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD FOR SOLVING FRIDAY’S DAILY TRIVIA! NICE WORK KIM! 

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Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Below are incomplete words. Place two letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.  Perfu (–) rge  Barb (–) itor  Again (–) ain  Sta (–) sture  Giraf (–) deral  Featu (–) medy  
 
ANSWER:  Perfume – merge   Barbed – editor   Against – stain   Stage – gesture   Giraffe – federal   Feature – remedy
 
Monday’s  Quizzler is……….
How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING FRIDAYS QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! 
GREAT WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

  
  

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, April 24, 2015.    

Weekend Ponderings…… 
 
When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
Why doesn’t “onomatopoeia” sound like what it is?
Why do ‘tug’boats push their barges?
Why do we sing ‘Take me out to the ball game’, when we are already there?
Why are they called ‘stands’ when they’re made for sitting?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Why does one get in trouble for WRECKless driving?
Does a fish get cramps after eating?
Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a “near miss”? Shouldn’t it be called a “near hit”?
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
How do you KNOW it’s new and improved dog food?
Why do they put locks on the doors of 24-hour stores?
What do they use to ship styrofoam?
Why is it called rush hour when everything moves so slow?
Why do they call then express lanes when during rush hour everything is stopped?
Why is abreviation such a long word?
If sour milk is used to make yogurt, how do you know when yogurt has gone bad?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Because I know because somebody out there is laughing! Have a great weekend
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

Tough times never last, but tough people do. Robert H. Schuller

Who is wise in love, love most, say least. Alfred Lord Tennyson

Painting is a nail to which I fasten my ideas. Georges Braque

Sadly, it’s much easier to create a desert than a forest. James Lovelock

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long. Ogden Nash

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. Thomas A. Edison

The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the 

door to personal excellence. Confucius

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day’s competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn’t take any more and kicked them out. 

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests….instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, “I’m sorry, but if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”  

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.’  

Answer:  Army of Darkness! 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘Put the candle BACK!’

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

  
What is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat and 1/2 goat?
 
ANSWER: Chicago.
 
3/7 chicken= CHI
2/3 cat = CA
1/2 goat= GO 
 

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

Below are incomplete words. Place two letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.
Perfu (–) rge
Barb (–) itor
Again (–) ain
Sta (–) sture
Giraf (–) deral
Featu (–) medy
 
 
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

  
  

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, April 23, 2015.   

Neologism – Alternate Meanings for Common Words…
Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
Cantankerous(n), able to drive a tank.
Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
Defenestration (n.), Uninstalling Windows 7 and then installing Linux.
Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Because I know because somebody out there is laughing! Have a great Thursday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“A Wisconsin woman recently got a high school diploma at the age of 103 and says she is now considering going to college. Friends are recommending a two-year college.” -Conan O’Brien

“Ben & Jerry’s is working with a beer company to develop a ‘salted caramel brownie brown ale’ that will be sold later this summer. It’ll mark the first time you’ll actually feel great after finishing a second pint of Ben & Jerry’s. ” -Jimmy Fallon

“Teenagers across the country have been participating in the Kylie Jenner Lips Challenge, in which they place a jar around their lips and suck in air in order to make their lips swell. While teenagers in China have been participating in something called ‘school.'” -Seth Meyers 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified.

One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial structure; subsequently the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.

It will be a while before Jack and Jill head up that hill for a pail of water again.  

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘Dead or alive, you are coming with me.’

Answer: Robocop! Great action film from the 80s. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.’ 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

 There are two groups of four-letter words used in the sentences below. The first missing words of each sentence are anagrams of each other, and the second missing words are also anagrams of each other. Can you find them?
 
1. The hunters set a ____ for the hare. How else were they to enjoy its succulent _____ ?
 
2. They all listened in ____ attention as their leader spoke and motivated them to work as a ____.
 
3. There will always be a small ____ of wildness in a cat, though it is considered to be a ____ animal today.
 
ANSWER: 1. The hunters set a TRAP for the hare. How else were they to enjoy its succulent MEAT ?
 
2. They all listened in RAPT attention as their leader spoke and motivated them to work as a TEAM.
 
3. There will always be a small PART of wildness in a cat, though it is considered to be a TAME animal today.
 
Group I – TRAP, RAPT, PART
Group II – MEAT, TEAM, TAME 
 

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

What is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat and 1/2 goat?
 
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

  
 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Whats-More-Demotivational-Than-This-17

WELCOME to Wednesday, April 22, 2015.     

Ten Paraprosdokian Examples….
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but they have to check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Because I know because somebody out there is laughing! Have a wonderful Wednesday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.” 

–Eleanor Roosevelt 

“When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” 

–Gracie Allen 

“The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.” 

–Mark Twain  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hale’s Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,  “Well, sonny, I can’t remember the name exactly, but it has something to do with hate or anger.”  The owner replies, “Well, let’s see… Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?”  The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, “I want this color sonny.”  

To which Nathan replies, “Ma’am I’m sorry, but we don’t have any in this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?”  “No son, I want this color.”

“But ma’am, they didn’t make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would suit you?” says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.  By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about.

The secretary replies, “Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman’s corn!”  

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Where did…where did you disappear to?’  ‘Missed me bad huh?’  

Answer: Runaway Bride! Julia Roberts asked Richard Gere this in ‘Runaway Bride’ after he disappeared for the day and she didn’t know where he’d been. To which he replied, ‘Missed me bad huh?’ 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???   ‘Dead or alive, you are coming with me.’

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Sam is talking to his lawyer in jail. They are very upset because the judge has refused to grant bail. 
At the end of the conversation Sam is allowed to leave the jail. Why?
 
ANSWER: Sam is visiting his lawyer, who had been arrested and jailed.  
 

Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….

There are two groups of four-letter words used in the sentences below. The first missing words of each sentence are anagrams of each other, and the second missing words are also anagrams of each other. Can you find them?
 
1. The hunters set a ____ for the hare. How else were they to enjoy its succulent _____ ?
 
2. They all listened in ____ attention as their leader spoke and motivated them to work as a ____.
 
3. There will always be a small ____ of wildness in a cat, though it is considered to be a ____ animal today.
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD FOR SOLVING TUESDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! NICE WORK KIM! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/