WELCOME to Monday, March 30, 2015.
1. Escalators don’t break down… they just turn into stairs
2. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing… except when you’re at a funeral.
3. I intend to live forever… or die trying.
4. We never knew he was a drunk… until he showed up to work sober.
5. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
6. A blind man walks into a bar….And a table, and a chair.
7. At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?
8. Want to hear a pizza joke…. nah, it’s too cheesy.
9. What about a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.
10. Did you hear the one about the rope? Skip it.
11. I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.
12. I childproofed the house… but they still get in!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! I know because somewhere, somebody is laughing! Have a great Monday people and whatever
you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A new study has found that 70 minutes of math and science homework per night is best for teenage students. Said teenage students, ‘What? That’s, like, two hours!'” -Seth Meyers
“A new article states that millennials have terrible conversational skills. When asked for comment, millennials texted a series of crying frowny faces.” -Conan O’Brien
“Last week presidential candidate Ted Cruz said that he will in fact be signing up for Obamacare despite saying earlier that he wants to repeal every word of it. It’s a good thing he’s signing up, because Cruz just went to the hospital in hypocritical condition.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, “Does anyone know what the bishop does?” There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely, “He’s the one you can move diagonally.”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “They say most of your brain shuts down in cryo-sleep. All but the primitive side, the animal side. No wonder I’m still awake.”
Answer: Pitch Black! Vin Diesel, one of my favorites, says this at the beginning while everyone else is asleep in cryo. He played Richard B. Riddick, a murderer, trapped on an alien planet with several other people. This is one of my favorite creature-features.
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You’re U.S. Government property. You’re a malfunctioning thirty million dollar weapon.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
A man wanted to encrypt his password but he needed to do it in a way so that he could remember it. His password is 7 characters long. The password consists of letters and numbers only (no symbols like ! or <). In order to remember it he wrote down “You force heaven to be empty.” Can you guess what his password is?
ANSWER: U472BMT Try pronouncing the answer “U Four Seven Two B M T”.
When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic
Answer: The words are Start and Tart.
1. To be required to pay -> Married
2. Allowing access -> Enclosure; writing implement
3. Organ that produces eggs -> Change with time
4. Fruit; colour -> Scope; the extent of something
5. Fruit; colour -> Exist; reside; seeing in real time
6. Colourless gas; a form of oxygen -> Area or region
7. Leaving something out -> Special assignment
8. Public speaking -> Daily food allowance
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/