Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

7315FAD0284752BC8445BA82FF0_h369_w500_m2_bblack_q99_p99_cBtBNFixW

WELCOME to Monday, March 9, 2015.   

Funny Lawyers Jokes
Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
What is the definition of a shame (as in ‘that’s a shame’ )?
When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
What is the definition of a ‘crying shame’ ?
There was an empty seat.
How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
Never enough.
Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.
What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A lobotomy.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
The lawyer charges more.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman.
How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?
Because people could not tell which side to spit on.
What do Lawyers do when they die ?
Lie still
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever
you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

‘If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.’ Joe Martin

A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5 and ends giving $5 worth for $500.’ Benjamin H. Brewster

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. John Adams

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. Aesop

There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool. LM Boyd

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. John Adams

Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shovelling smoke. Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

In a criminal justice system based on 12 individuals not smart enough to get out of jury duty, here is a jury of which to be proud.  A defendant was on trial for murder.  There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.  In the defence’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

‘Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all, ‘the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.  ‘Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.  ‘He looked toward the courtroom door.  The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed.  Nothing happened.

Finally the lawyer said, ‘Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed, and I insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.’  Jury - Guilty Verdict

The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate.  A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

‘But how?’ inquired the lawyer.  ‘You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.’  The jury foreman replied, ‘Yes, we did look, but your client didn’t look he just stared straight ahead.’ 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Well, everyone else we’ve bumped into has died. Why should you be any different?”

Answer: The Mummy!  Said by Jonathan while convincing Winston to fly them into the desert. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I’m still here [jerk], I’ll always be here. You push me down and I’ll get back up again and again and again and again. I could beat you right here, right now but I don’t want to be better than you Rick, I don’t want to be better than anybody.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Decipher the following rebus:
 
GOT
GOT
GOT
GOT
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES 
 
ANSWER: Forgotten Heroes!
Four “got” ten “heroes” 

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.
1. Greeting word -> Hades; place of torment
2. Company symbol -> Tree trunk piece; written record
3. Large stringed instrument -> Small room; prison
4. Vote against; forbid -> Pet doctor
5. Jewellery or stone carved in relief -> Arrived; moved toward something
6. Champion; type of sandwich -> That woman
7. Rope with a sliding loop at one end -> An unmarried young woman
8. Exhibition of cowboy skills -> Was carried on the back of an animal
 
  
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE WEEK AWARD FOR TODAY GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB BANKS!EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 
 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s