Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, March 5, 2015.    

The 5 toughest (Dangerous), questions for men are:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly ( i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.”
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, “If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!”)
Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.”
Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, a whole lot!
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?
Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course not!”
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I’ve seen fatter.
e. You just thick boned!
f. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question # 4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is always: “Of course not!”
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty..
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question# 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question.
(The real answer, of course, is “Buy a Corvette!”)Emoji
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever
you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Forbes released its annual list of billionaires. Once again the richest person on the planet, with $79.2 billion, is Bill Gates. To put that into perspective, that’s enough money to never have to drink tap water at a restaurant ever again.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Taco Bell is testing a new product called ‘Cap’n Crunch Delights,’ which are balls of sweet dough, covered in crushed Cap’n Crunch cereal, and filled with a ‘milk icing’ – you know, Mexican food.” -Seth Meyers

“During the CPAC conference, Rand Paul told the crowd it was time for a new president and that people need to help make the change. Of course, most people agreed with him, since thats how term limits work.” -Jimmy Fallon  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Once there was this bus which happened to be from Sesame Street. On the bus were some very strange people with very strange things to do. First there were two identical twins whose names were both Pattie. They were very big and muscular, especially for women. Next there was a man named Ross. He was a extrodinary guy so he was dubbed “Special Ross”. After that there was a hefty, overweight man named Leonard. Since his cheeks were so puffy people decided to nickname him “Leonard Cheeks”. Finally, all the people on the bus had bunions at which they feverously picked and scratched. 

What do we call this bus filled with strange people? Of course; we call them: “Two all-beef Patties, Special Ross, Leonard Cheeks, pickin’ bunions, on a Sesame Street bus!”   

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?” 

Answer: Reservoir Dogs! Said by Vic Vega (otherwise known as Mr. Blonde) after he shows up 

at the meeting place with fast food. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “If you side with the Nazis, Thomas, then we’re at war.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Read the sentence below and determine what the four uppercase words have in common.
 
As you put down your bowl of STEW and take your SEAT, you let out a SHOUT and leap back up; you sat on a THORN! 
 
ANSWER: They are anagrams of the four directions: WEST, EAST, SOUTH, and NORTH. 

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

These word pairs are not in relation to each other, but if you find their synonyms, the two words will rhyme.
Example : Over-sized Feline = Fat Cat
Kiss Dog
Funny Cat
Movie Monster
Unusual Rabbit
Copper Teapot
Wedding Limo
Untamed Minor
 
  
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE WEEK AWARD FOR TODAY GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB BANKS! Emoji Emoji EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 
 

 

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