Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, February 17, 2015.   

Ponderings…..
People seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. What are they doing? Cramming for finals?
 
Old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
 
Did Adam ever said to Eve, “Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!” 
 
I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol. 
 
Everyone has a photographic memory. But some folks don’t have film. 
 
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. 
 
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met. 
 
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 
 
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever
you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“I bet that Van Gogh guy cut off his ear by accident and made up that ‘lost love’ story so he wouldn’t look stupid.” –Andy Pierson

I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

“I don’t have any kids. Well, at least none that I know about. I’d like to have kids one day, though. I want to be called Mommy by somebody other than Spanish guys in the street.” –Carol Leifer  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A Jewish anthropologist, Benny Steinfeld, was working in the desert near Israel when he happened upon an odd looking vase. After cleaning it he pried open the lid and was astonished when a genie sprang from the container and granted him 3 wishes. Steinfeld wished for enormous wealth, huge land holdings and a bevy of beautiful wives. All wishes were granted, but on one condition. Never again in his life could the anthropologist get a haircut or shave. To do so would mean instant imprisonment in the same urn in which the genie had been imprisoned. All went well during the first few years of his lavish lifestyle, but his beard and long hair became more and more of a problem. One day, during a moment of weakness and desperation he ran to the bathroom, grabbed some scissors and began cutting off his beard. Immediately his fortunes vanished, and he found himself trapped in the urn lying in the desert sand. The moral of this story? “A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.” 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? Purple in the morning, blue in the afternoon, and orange in the evening. Just like that, one two three four!’

Answer:  Requiem For a Dream!  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Noah was a drunk. Look what he accomplished. And no one’s even asking you to build an ark. All you have to do is go to New Jersey.’

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

What is this?

Sticker Bum

Sticker Sticker Bum Bum

Sticker Sticker Sticker Bum Bum Bum 

ANSWER: A Bumper Sticker 

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.

Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic

Answer: The words are Start and Tart.

1. Female parent -> Not one already mentioned; alternate

2. Several; large indefinite number -> One; some indefinite number

3. A story’s lesson -> Relating to the mouth; using speech

4. Face disguise -> To request

5. Trough for animal food -> Wrath; strong displeasure

6. Sparse, poor quality -> Showing keen interest

7. Symbolic team figure -> Necktie or scarf with broad ends

8. Anything that belongs to a group -> Glowing wood fragment

 
  
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

 

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