Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, February 11, 2015.    

Things you need to Know for Wednesday…
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative drug on the same night.
Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
A balanced diet is a beer in each hand.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Never lick a steak knife.
Junk is something You’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. 
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 
 

QUOTES OF THE DAY

“Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.” –Groucho Marx

“College isn’t the place to go for ideas.” –Helen Keller

“Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.” –Bill Gates 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood. While sitting on their loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and said, “I remember when you used to kiss me every chance you had.” 

The old man feeling a bit obliged leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. 

Then she said, “I also remember when you used to hold my hand at every opportunity.” 

The old man again feeling obligated reached over and gently placed his arm around her shoulders. 

The elderly woman then stated,” I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and send chills down my spine.” 

This time the old man started to get up off the couch. As he began to walk out of the living room his wife asked, “Was it something I said, where are you going?”  The old man looked at her and replied, “I’m going to the bathroom to get my teeth!”  

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I don’t smoke, you quit drinking, Bob here wouldn’t even dream of looking at another woman with lust… between the three of us, we’re practically Jesus.’

Answer: The Big Kahuna! Kevin Spacey, Danny DeVito, and Peter Facinelli star as salesmen. 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns.’

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Claw – At

2. Rag – Below

3. Shred – Ban

4. Table – Seven

5. Potless – Purse 

 

ANSWER:  1. Law – Act  2. Rage – Blow  3. Shed – Barn  4. Stable – Even  5. Spotless – Pure

Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….

Nothing is in it

But something is in it

Nobody is in it

But somebody is in it

If you have it

You and I are in it

What is it?

 
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT SOLVING SOLUTION BANKS!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji
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