Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, February 9, 2015.    

Here’s the Story…..
One fine day in ancient Rome, Julius Caesar turned his attention to a problem plaguing his mighty empire: laundry. Getting all those white togas clean was a constant pain. He also had some weird ideas that if he could get the togas stiff enough, they would be like a light coat of armor… not enough to last through a sustained battle, but enough to ward off an assassin’s arrow. He figured the easiest way to get this done on a large scale would be to dump a bunch of detergent into a tidal pool, and dump the toga’s in afterwards. (This was two thousand years ago… the environmental movement was restricted to a few druids here and there). The gentle motion of the tides would wash the dirt out. Afterwards, all that would have to be done would be to throw some starch in, and then pull the toga’s out to dry.
He assigned this task to some of his scientists and engineers. They started executing his plan, and all was going well until they threw in the starch. The goddess of nature, angered at the environmental destruction, caused a huge tidal wave to spring up and wash over the assembled workers. A stiff breeze afterwards dried them off so quickly they were all frozen into place.
After a little while, Caesar began to wonder about the progress of the enterprise, so he decided to visit the site with some of his advisers. Arriving at the tidal pool, he was unable to make heads or tails of the sight of his workers stuck standing there. Until of course, one of his advisers whispered to him: . . . “Beware, the tides of starch.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 
 

QUOTES OF THE DAY

“According to a new study, 1 in 3 children in the United States have divorced parents. While the other two-thirds are the only reason their parents are staying together.” Seth Meyers

“Staples has agreed to buy Office Depot for $6 billion. The funny thing is they just popped in there to buy envelopes and then they just got carried away.” -Conan O’Brien

“Last weekend a Washington, D.C., couple allegedly left their toddlers in a freezing car for an hour while they were at a wine tasting. The couple has been described as neglectful with notes of endangerment and a lazy reprehensible finish.” -Seth Meyers 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

The day I started my construction job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that asked: Single____, Married____, Divorced____. 

I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was also filling out his form, I noticed he hadn’t marked any of the blanks. Instead he had written, ‘Yes, in that order.’  

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Thank you sir, may I have another?”

Answer: House of Games! Mike’s (Joe Mantegna) last words to Margaret (Lindsey Crouse), the woman he seduced and conned out of eighty thousand dollars, as she unloads her pistol into him. The movie was penned by playwright David Mamet and was his directorial debut.  

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘You should see the other guy!’

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.

Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic

Answer: The words are Start and Tart.

1. Mark left after healing -> Vehicle

2. To have hit -> Vehicle

3. Intelligent -> Individual store

4. Tiny -> Large retail complex

5. Take illegally -> Bluish green

6. Clean the floor -> Cry

7. Expressed in words -> Give assistance

8. Talk -> Highest level; summit 

ANSWER: 1. Scar -> Car  2. Struck -> Truck  3. Smart -> Mart  4. Small -> Mall  5. Steal -> Teal

6. Sweep -> Weep  7. Said -> Aid  8. Speak -> Peak 

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

Mavis the ‘mathemagician’ held ten cards (face down) in her hand – Ace (1) to 10 of Hearts.

She moved the top card to the bottom of the pack, counting ‘1’, and turned up the next card, placing it on the table. It was the Ace.

She counted two more cards to the bottom of the pack, showed the next card – the ‘2’ – and placed it on the table.

Counting, ‘One, two, three’ more to the bottom, she then showed the next card – ‘3’ of Hearts.

This continued for four to nine, and the final card was – ta-daah! – the ’10’ of Hearts.

Question: What was the original order of cards, from the top to bottom?

 
 
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji
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